[We see Gary, Hiroshi, and Daisuke in a room with a computer monitor.]

Gary: Hi, everybody. It's time once again for Shonen Sunday Theater
3000. We've been locked inside the bowels of Furinkan High School by a
certain insane Principal, and every now and then he sends a fic for us
to read and make clever commentary on. As it just so happens, he's
calling now!

[Ms. Hinako appears on the computer screen. She's in her adult form.]

Gary: Or maybe not.

Hinako: I'm afraid the Principal couldn't be here today. He's been
involved in a little labor-management dispute at Furinkan. He should be
recov-- I mean returning before too long, but in the meantime, I've
picked out a fanfiction for you myself!

Hiroshi: Really? What kind?

[Hinako abruptly shrinks down to child form]

Hinako: I'm not quite sure what it's about, or who's in it. But the
title has some foreign words that I thought were just so cute!

Daisuke: ...

Hinako: Ready? Well, here it comes!

Edward Becerra wrote:

> "Ready?"

Gary: That's what Hinako asked.

> "Why do your people always ask if someone is ready right before you are
> going to do something massively unwise?"
> "Tradition."

Hiroshi: Besides, it spreads the blame around after you screw up. You
can claim that the other person agreed to it.

> - Sinclair and Delenn in Babylon 5: War Without End, part 1
> "Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on Earth."
> - Will Rogers
Daisuke: How about janitor at a nuclear plant?

Hiroshi: Food taster for Kodachi Kuno?

Gary: Fact checker for Rush Limbaugh?

Daisuke: Huh?

> The next morning was a rather tentative time.

Hiroshi: Scheduled for sometime tomorrow in the AM... subject to change.

> Ed was cautious about how
>he approached Minerva, and her actions were similar. As a result, breakfast
>was.. awkward.
Daisuke: Ed tried to stack eight slices of toast on top of one another.

> "Min? Do you.. I mean, is there anything further on _why_ I'm here?"
Hiroshi: Well, this is a self-insert, and you're the author, so...

> "We have to go along with the Lovely Angels. It's not so much meeting

Daisuke: Great! Farrah Fawcett, Kate Jackson...

Gary: Uh, no.

>them, as it seems to be a case of meeting someone else _through_ them." She
>paused for a moment.
> "Boss? You spilled your cereal in your lap. Boss? Boss?" She waved a
>hand in front of his eyes, then finally snapped her fingers next to his
>ears. That did the trick.
> "We have to go with the Angels."
Hiroshi: I really hope the Principal hasn't sent us an Eva crossover

> "Right, b'wana."
> "We have to go with the Angels."
Daisuke: The 49ers or the Padres just won't do.

> She sighed. "You're repeating yourself again, boss. Do you need a cold
> "We have to go with the Angels."
Hiroshi: I think the record's stuck. Record's stuck. Record's stuck.
Record's stuck.

> Minerva sighed again, and a bucket of cold water shimmered into existance

Gary: Existence.

>over his head. It tilted itself, and deluged him. "Better now?"
> He sputtered, shaking the water from his hair. "Thank you. I think I
>needed that." He stood and reached for a large linnen napkin and started

Gary: linen

> "I _could_ say something, but you taught me it wasn't polite to kick a
>person when they're down," she smirked.
Hiroshi: How about when they're not looking?

> "Now _there_ is a phrase that will echo down the corridores of time,

Gary: Corridors

Daisuke: How come the prereaders didn't catch any of these typos? Get on
the ball, Gaffney... Zen... whoever!

>boss. 'I NEED to get caught by the Lovely Angels.'" She began to snigger
>uproariously. "The hentai possibilities alone are overwhelming."
> Ed gave her a dirty look. "Despite rumors to the contrary, I am NOT a

Hiroshi: I just play one on TV!

> He grinned. "Tsk, tsk. And you a computer, too. Whatever would Alan
>Turing have to say?"
Daisuke: Probably "0101000101001111101010000111"

Gary: No, that's Boole.

Hiroshi: Turing Japanese, I really think so!

> Above the planet, the `Lovely Angel' entered a parking orbit. Kei was
>smiling fiendishly as she contacted the local authorities. Closing the
>channel, she turned to Yuri. "That should do it. All outgoing traffic will
>be halted and turned back. Incoming traffic won't be affected, so Goulet
>shouldn't be TOO upset."
Hiroshi: Never liked his singing anyway....

> "True, but we can hold this longer than we could a total system
>quarantine," grinned Kei. "As long as customers are coming INTO the system
>and spending money, the owners of this world shouldn't complain too loudly.
>They're still making a profit, after all." She snickered. "Besides, we've
>been doing pretty good on this one. No one's died, there's been no _major_
>property damage, and we haven't shot up anything.

Daisuke: And we've been here ten whole minutes!

> Zen raised an eyebrow. "If that's what you call a success, then taking
>Captain Edwards and his ship intact should rate as a full blown miracle."
Hiroshi: How come he doesn't tell us what Zen looks like?

Gary: Y'know, I saw Zen at Anime Central, and it is *damn* hard to
imagine him as a female...

> Kei's face darkened slightly, but rather than snap at Zen, she tried to
>reply politely.

Daisuke: And failed horribly!

> "It would, Zen-chan, it would. I'm _tired_ of having a
>reputation as a blood-thirsty brain-dead gun-girl who shoots first and asks
>questions later. And I _am_ going to lose that stigma, starting with THIS
Hiroshi: "From now on I'll be known as a blood-thirsty brain-dead
gun-girl who shoots and doesn't bother to ask questions at all!"

> "Bailey?"
> "Yes, sir?" responded the urbane concierge. "May I help you?"
Daisuke: "Stop lazing against this tree and go get General Halftrack's
jeep ready!"

> "I have a rather unusual request, Bailey. I hope you can handle it." Ed
>looked pensively at the majordomo's image in the screen.
> "The Croessus endevors to serve, sir. How may I assist you?"
Gary: Endeavors

> Ed took a deep breath and dove right in. "Bailey, the Worlds Welfare
>Works Association is interested in me.

Hiroshi: "But I really just want to be friends."

> Bailey caught on quickly, as would be expected from a person in his
>position. "And were the trouble consultants to suspect that you came along
>willingly, you might not find the person or item you are searching for. I
>see. So you need the hotel staff to coperate with the 3WA agents in such a

Gary: Cooperate

>manner as to cause them to believe that you've been surprised, and that your
>`arrest' is not an pre-arranged act."
> "That's right." Ed grinned. "Bailey, if I didn't have a highly skilled
>and extremely capable assistant already, I'd be seriously tempted to try to
>hire you out from under the owner of this hotel." He named a figure.
Hiroshi: 36-24-36!

> Bailey bowed and smiled faintly, "Sir, I am greatly honored, but my life
>is here.

Daisuke: "Besides, sir, I'm actually an AI."

> The chief executive officer of the Repose Corporation did inform them
>that this co-operation _was_ contingent upon their ability to, as he put it,
>`avoid scaring the cash customers'.

Hiroshi: The ones who pay by credit card, on the other hand... the heck
with 'em!

> Security Commandant Benjamin L. Harrison wasn't buying it. A spare man

Daisuke: Always good to have a spare man lying around.

Hiroshi: He just means that he's a bowler, I guess.

>of medium height, he glared at Yuri from behind his glasses. His goatee
>quivered in barely supressed rage. "I've got some news for you three

Gary: Suppressed

>'ladies'. This is MY world, and _I_ am the law here. The ONLY people who

Hiroshi: I'm the god! I'M THE GOD!!

>can tell me what to do are the CEO and the Board of Directors of Repose.

Daisuke: So it's actually NOT your world, and you're just a peon.

Gary: You don't need to rub it in, y'know.

>They make the regulations, I _enforce_ the regulations, and you will OBEY
>the regulations or I'll toss your undoubtedly lovely assets off of this
>planet so fast, your HAIR will hurt!"
> Kei stepped forward, he face dark, and began to say something. Yuri

Hiroshi: "My hair already does hurt, sir!"

> "How I got them doesn't matter one bit, Agent Kei. What _does_ matter is
>that you're going NOWHERE on this world without a security escort, AND a
>professional witness.

Gary: Like that's gonna help...

> Yuri smiled at him, while her right arm snaked behind Kei's back,
>grabbing her hand in a painful thumb-lock. "That's fine, Commandant. No
>problem whatsoever. We accept your terms gratefully. Can you have your men
>take us to the dock where Captain Edward's ship currently is? We'd like to

Hiroshi: Is his name Captain Edwards, or Captain Edward?

Gary: Maybe it's Captain Edward Edwards.

> "Just as soon as the team arrives, Agent Yuri. After you're done there,
>they'll acompany you to the Croessus Hotel, where Edwards is currently

Gary: Accompany

> It also helped that every single man on the squad could have moonlighted
>for the Chippendales dance team. Kei started to visibly salivate. Yuri was
>having a slight problem with self-control as well. She inhaled suddenly,
>and started to cough. Zen, however, simply looked bored.
> Yuri jabbed her in the ribs with an elbow. "What the hell's the matter
>with you?!" she hissed in a disbelieving tone.
> Zen whispered back, "Zen is a _guy_, remember?"
Daisuke: Yeah, and Zen has the hots for Ukyo, remember?

Hiroshi: Hey, that's right! Why isn't she in this?

> It was Kei's voice, saying "Yuri, do you suppose we could get them to
>help us investigate a strip joint after we capture Edwards?
Gary: End quote.

> *Maybe this situation won't turn into a disaster,* Harrison thought as he

Daisuke: Yeah right.

>dry-swallowed the tablets. *I believe this will turn out all right. I
>_believe_ that. I also believe that somewhere in the hills of Tennessee
>there is a pig that really can whistle.*
Hiroshi: So THAT'S where P-chan got to!

> Ed blinked in surprise. "Hadn't thought of that. Steak and eggs for
>myself, a Denver omlet for Minerva. Hash browns. Toast, pastries, and

Gary: omelet

>fresh orange juice all around."
> Bailey smiled. "Very good, sir. We will have everything prepared by the
>time your guests arrive." The screen went dark.
> Minerva tapped him on the shoulder. "They're approaching my slip,

Gary: Is that a typo, or is one of them Happosai?

>b'wana. How do you want me to play it?"
Daisuke: Allegro, key of B-flat major, please.

> "The police are not here to create disorder, they're here to preserve
> disorder."

Hiroshi: Dis order, not dat other order.

> - Mayor Daley of Chicago, 1968 political convention.
> Kei sucked on her tingling fingers and used some words that even the
>experienced members of the Ops team weren't familiar with. "Damned thing's
>got a static shield!"
Daisuke: (Yuri voice) Great! Now my dress won't cling!

> He grinned. "I'd enjoy seeing that. Or watching them _try_, at least.
>Anything that can make it through YOUR shields wouldn't leave much of the
>planet left behind."
Gary: That's redundant. Take out "left"

> "I _never_ should have let you read my journels. That was NOT a Good
Gary: Journals

> "Oh... I don't know about that. _I_ certainly enjoyed it."
> "Arrrgh!" Ed rubbed his eyes. "Anyway, they _are_ on the way over,
> She nodded. "Just left the slip."
Daisuke: Just left the slip, headed for the bra.

Hiroshi: So Ed gave them the slip?

> Kei glared back. "YOU got no room to talk. All YOU got hit with was a
>Key Lime pie. And that's your favorite flavor, too!"
Hiroshi: Maybe it was a Kei Lime pie!

> The blue-haired trouble consultant smiled and licked a tiny bit of crust
>from her lips. "Can I help it if I got lucky?"
> Kei growled, causing some of the soaked security men to take several
>more steps away from her. They sighed, and tried to gather together what
>little self respect they had left.
Daisuke: Which didn't take long....

> He returned to his desk, smiling. "It's been a very long time since
>anything interesting happened around here," he murmured, in a voice too low
>for the clerk to hear. "It will be nice to have a little excitement again."
>His smile widened, and using his personal override, he switched the view
>from the garden cameras over to his personal console. "Time to watch the
> * * *
H&D: Ooooh!! Aaaaaah!!

> A smiling young man was quietly slipping through the garden towards one
>of the many breakfast patios located in there. It would have been hard to
>mistake him for a guest now, unless he was a very eccentric one. The

Gary: Unless he were

> The three trouble consultants stepped out from behind the decorative
>screen of foliage surrounding the small patio, followed by Lieutenant Farber
>and his men. There was a positively gloating smile in Kei's face. She
>rubbed her hands together with relish.
Hiroshi: What, were they eating hot dogs?

> She shook her head, nodding towards her partners. "For once, a case of
>ours has NOT ended in all-out mass destruction. No cities going up in
>smoke, no planets exploding, no mobs howling for our deaths..." Her

Daisuke: Hey, it isn't over yet!

> The young man in the leather jacket smirked. "I don't think so." He
>lifted both hands and to the Angels' shock, began to sketch symbols in
>midair with glowing hands.
Hiroshi: Abstract art?!? NOOOOOOO!!!!

> "Whatever it is that you're doing, you're going to stop it RIGHT NOW!"
>shouted Kei. Her eyes were on the stranger, so she failed to see Ed snap
>the duralloy shock cuffs with a single twist of his wrists. Before either
>Yuri, Zen or any of the security squad could stop him, he dove towards the
>stranger, arms outstretched, roaring "DIE, COYOTE!"
Daisuke: So that's it! He's after Ed because he gave up on chasing the
Road Runner!

> Yuri was the first to recover, finding herself on her hands and knees.
>She hadn't felt like this since the last time Kei had taken her out drinking
>in singles bars. It was hard to focus her eyes, and there seemed to be
>something in front of her face that attracted her eyes. She also felt a

Gary: I'd say "attracted them," since you already mention "eyes" in the

> Minerva winced, and glared at the trouble consultant. "I have a
>splitting headache, and I happen to remotely control a starship that has a
>minimum firepower rating of one teraton per second. Do you _really_ want to
>piss me off, Ms. Kei?"
Hiroshi: "Yeah! YEAH!! We've never EVER caused THAT much damage before!"

Daisuke: Hey, how much is a teraton anyway?

Gary: You know those sixteen-ton weights that we always drop on Sasuke
in those stories that we never send out?

Daisuke: Yeah?

Gary: Picture 62.5 billion of them at once.

Daisuke: Oh.

> While he was on site again, he'd taken the opportunity look over some

Gary: opportunity to look over

> A second person, this one in a torn and scuffed shipsuit followed the

Gary: shipsuit, followed

> They hurried to the stairway, easing the still unconsious Zen through the

Gary: unconscious

>door and headed up to the suite as fast as they could.

Hiroshi: Now Zen finally has an excuse for not finishing his fics very

Gary: And that's a wrap! We enjoyed it, Ed! Good luck to you, and here's
hoping your situation turns out as well as possible.

[The fic fades, and Hinako reappears.]

Hinako: Well, I guess that's it for this week, boys! Until next...

[A crash is heard.]

Hinako: What's this?! Some delinquent students are breaking into the
Principal's office!

[An amplified voice is heard.]


[Hinako steps out of shot]

Gary: What are the Dir... um, the Angels doing here?

Daisuke: That was my idea. I sent out an E-mail for help, explaining how
we were locked up here against our will! It looks like I actually
managed to get through!

[Meanwhile, the sounds of gunfire and explosions are heard]

Hinako voice: What are you naughty, naughty girls doing?!

Yuri voice: It's like a jungle in here! Ew!!

Kei voice: Right!! Prepare to fire extra-strength defoliant, followed by

Hinako: I'll show you hoodlums a thing or--

[The computer screen suddenly dissolves into static, as the sound is
replaced by a loud hissing. Gary, Hiroshi, and Daisuke stare at each
other blankly.]

Gary: Um...

Daisuke: Er...

Hiroshi: So how much food do we have left?