Hearts and Minds Omake and Author Notes
Category: Hearts and Minds
Posted on September 3, 2013 by Gary
HEARTS AND MINDS
OMAKE AND AUTHOR NOTES
Ranma 1/2 manga fanfiction
by Gary Kleppe
The characters of Ranma 1/2 are the creation of and rightful property of Rumiko Takahashi. They are used here without permission. This story may be freely redistributed, but it should not be altered substantially or used for profit in any way.
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HaMake 1: Ki-rogenous Zones
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"Hey, Akane," Ranma said. "There's something I've been meaning to ask you." They had just finished cleaning up after a practice session and were sitting in the living room, waiting for Soun and Nodoka to get dressed for a night out.
"What's that?"
"Remember back when we were fighting Herb? You used two new ki attacks. I figured the first one was based on your anger at seeing me with that Mongol woman. What was the second? What did you see when you looked into the gem?"
"Oh." Akane flushed. "I saw you, actually."
"You saw me in the gem? Wasn't I there at the time so that you could look across the room and see me?"
"You were there, yeah, but the image... er... was a little different."
"How so?" Ranma asked with a carefully neutral face. He was sure he was getting at something that he'd be able to tease her about for a long time.
"You were dressed... a certain way," she said.
"What way?"
Her face reddening, Akane picked up Hikaru's sketch pad and started to draw.
Ranma looked at what was a rough sketch of his male self, naked except for a g-string narrowly covering his genitals. "Akane?!" he said with mock surprise. "I'm absolutely shocked to learn that I'm married to a... pervert!"
"Jerk!" She socked him in the shoulder, and laughed. "I can still do both of those attacks, you know, though not with anywhere near the power that the gem gave me."
"That's great, Akane. As the one who taught you Ki Attacks 101, I'm proud."
Akane smiled mischievously. "I think we should get you an outfit like that, Ranma. Our anniversary is coming up."
Ranma could feel his own face turn red. "I couldn't wear something like that! I wouldn't even know where to buy it."
"Me neither. But I bet Nabiki would. Come on, it'd be just between us."
Ranma looked away. "No chance."
"Remember last year, when I wore that satin and lace nighty that you liked? I think fair's fair, don't you?"
Ranma thought for a moment. "You're right, Akane. We should be fair, so I should do the same." He changed into woman form. "You do still have that nighty, right?"
Akane laughed. "Nice try. I'll talk to Nabiki."
Ranma sighed. It was odd that he felt no compunctions about flaunting his female body. But doing something like that with his man side felt... weird. But like she said, fair was fair, and it would be just the two of them. What could happen that would be so bad?
The doctor glanced down at his clipboard. "Mrs. Saotome, I'm sorry your husband had to spend your anniversary night in the hospital. But I have his test results. He's recovering quickly and he should soon be as good as new in a few days."
"Thanks, doctor." Sheepishly, Akane looked back at Ranma's hospital bed. "Sorry," she said for what had to be about the twenty-seventh time.
"Akane, when I'm out of here, I'll need to teach you Ki Attacks 102: How to keep them from going off when you don't want them to."
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Series Notes
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Yes, this is it. You hold in your hands (so to speak) the very last piece of Ranma 1/2: Hearts and Minds. I've been writing this series off and on (mostly off) for the better part of fifteen years. Sometimes it seemed like it would never be finished. Sometimes near the end it seemed like nobody cared about it all that much anymore. But I always said that barring major disaster I would eventually finish what I started. I had no idea that it would take this long; the need for gainful employment took precedence, as did starting my own family.
A lot of people deserve thanks for helping out with this story. First of all, the prereaders, each of whom went over one or more chapters before the rest of you got to see them. Roughly in descending order of how many chapters they did, they are Yoiko, Krista Fisk (nee Perry), Ed Becerra, Keener Barnes, Lara Bartram, Matt Posner, KaraOhki, Thomas Schmidt, and Bob Macfie. Ed also deserves thanks for sharing his expertise on warfare and the military; Ranma and company's guerilla campaign against the Mongol soldiers in chapters 3-4 mostly came out of IRC discussions with him.
Then there are those who sent helpful comments and reactions to the FFML or over email. There are too many to list them all, but particular thanks to Bert Miller, Mythril Moth, Bjorn Christianson, Alan Harnum, Ronny Hedin, Michael Noakes, Anand Rao, Rakhal Stormwarden, Shymrod, Grayson Towler, Ginrai, Mike Grant, Denise Cameron, and Jiro Maeda. If I'm omitting somebody who sent more than one or two responses, it's not that I'm intending to slight anyone; it's just my bad memory and incomplete email archives. Extra-special thanks to Michael Clark who posted detailed, thoughtful comments on *every* chapter during the final series of reposts.
So where did all of this come from? When I started writing fanfic I wanted to eventually write every major type of fanfic, except for ones that I generally didn't like such as non-parody self-inserts and lemons. (I eventually did write the latter in collaboration with Yoiko.) So I wanted to do a continuation. Ranma 1/2 has a large and diverse cast, and I wanted to do some interesting development with all of the major characters, so such a thing would need to be a major work. To avoid this being just another match-'em-up fic, I would tie each character's individual storyline into an overall plot that would take place a number of years after the end of the series.
But what would that story be? The basic idea I came up with was that if Ranma and friends are as powerful as they seem to be, then they could become enough of a factor to significantly influence world events and be in conflict with other powerful persons or organizations. Threatening the Amazon village was the easiest way to get this to happen. Any place capable of producing someone as powerful as Cologne should've attracted attention long ago, and they're just one of the many players in that region.
I pretty much had the basic plot in mind when I started writing. The only significant late addition was Zhen Biaozi as a renegade Amazon Elder. A lot of times I'd take scenes that needed to be there to establish plot points or exposition and rethink them to have something more interesting going on. But the basic plot and most of the character development ideas were always there.
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HaMake 2: By The Book
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Gan's Restaurant stood at the edge of a rural Mongol village. But for the hand-lettered sign that said "EAT," the run-down building would have been mistaken for a farm house. But the food was reliable, usually, and there weren't a lot of other options this far away from the city.
Tanaka Kenjiro sat at the counter, munching down rice and beans, wishing the man next to him wasn't so conspicuous. Around here, white-skinned westerners were about as common as green-skinned Martians.
"Let's get to business," the man said in passable Japanese. "There's a certain four people that my superiors would like to have eliminated. We understand that you used to provide such services for the Yakuza."
"Yeah," Kenjiro said. "But we had whatcha call a little falling out. They got the idea that I'd been doing freelance work and not cutting them in."
"Were you?"
"Naaaah. I always did everything above board, by the book. I'm an honest crook. But some joker set me up so *he* could take the business *I* was getting. You can't trust nobody no more, I tell ya. But the bigwigs weren't about to believe me on that, so I had to get out of the country fast, for the sake of my health."
The westerner handed over a manila folder. "Here's the information on the persons we'd like sanctioned."
Kenjiro scanned past photographs and printed information sheets. "Yeah, I've heard of most of these people. I think some of them are part of the new government that's being formed. Is that why you want 'em bumped off? So you can get your own people in instead?"
"Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies."
Jerk, Kenjiro thought. "Okay, whatever. I'll do it if the price you're offering is right."
"I think you'll find--"
A commotion arose in the front of the restaurant. Diners scurried out, some of them upending their seats in the process. A moment later, a panda bear entered. "Grrrowf!" it said.
"Jesus fucking--" The westerner pulled a handgun out of his sport coat as he stood up and stepped back.
In no time, the panda crossed the room and grabbed ahold of the arm that the gun was in. The man yelped as his weapon fell to the floor.
Kenjiro backed away slowly.
The panda staggered up to the table and picked up the bowl that Kenjiro had been eating from. Expertly wielding his chopsticks, it stuffed several mouthfuls of rice and beans into its mouth and chewed noisily.
The western man inched around the table, angling to where he could make a grab for his gun.
"Grrrowf!" The panda picked up the gun, aimed, and fired three shots directly into the man's chest.
Kenjiro raised his hands in surrender. "What the hell?" he said.
The panda threw a piece of paper towards him, then marched out of the building. Kenjiro unrolled the paper, which looked like a picture of a panda, maybe from a children's book. Below the picture was a line of text.
A PANDA BEAR EATS SHOOTS AND LEAVES
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The Match-ups
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HaM is not really of the "match 'em all up" genre that you see in fanfiction. Character match-ups in this series and in the Preludes are explored to the extent they are not for their own sake but as vehicles for developing the characters. Part of my goal for this series was to do some sort of interesting development with each one of the regular characters and the pairings below were mostly chosen because I thought they could happen and because I thought they would show something about the characters. Since as I said HaM is not a match-'em'-up fic as such, it leaves the relationships in various stages of development, with some of the cast not involved in any at all.
Ranma/Akane: Takahashi has called them the only real couple in the series, and I have no idea how anyone could read it and not agree with that. This doesn't mean that there's no sense in considering alternatives. I myself have written Ranma/Kasumi (A Peaceful Life), Ranma/Shampoo with Akane/Ryoga (Tangled Web), and probably others that don't spring to mind. But such things need to be thought of as alternative in some sense and that isn't what HaM is about.
Ryoga/Akari: Probably the second most canonical couple of the series, but one that doesn't get explored too much in fanfiction. The typical fanfic writer seems more interested in contriving to get rid of Akari. Something like "Akari? Oh yeah, a sixteen-ton weight fell on her last month. Sad." Or maybe just "Akari? Who's that?"
Tatewaki/Shan Pu: I admit to having had a soft spot for these two as a couple ever since matching them in A Peaceful Life. The superficial similarities in some ways are just too good to ignore. It's also interesting to see macho-man Tatewaki in a gender-reversed situation where he's expected to take a less dominant role. Of course he had to go through some growth before anybody was likely to take him seriously.
Mu Si/Azusa: Another couple that I wanted to explore based on circumstantial traits: She loves cute stuff, and he can produce lots of it. With the treatment of Azusa in this series, their relationship ended up being more akin to father-daughter. But that may have been what Mu needed, to learn to be able to give what someone needs rather than what he wants to give.
Ukyo/Mikado: Ryoga and Konatsu seem to be the most popular matches for Ukyo. Her tendency in the series was to use people to get what she wanted, and either of those guys would've let her get away with it. I thought it would be more interesting to put her with someone having his own agenda who wouldn't just give her what she wanted and who would rub her the wrong way at first.
Gosunkugi/new character: Since Gos came along looking for adventure, my idea was for him to go through the series being romantically interested in someone who would give him ambiguous signals. He would keep hoping that she would give him a definite sign one way or the other, but she never would, so at the very end of the story he'd have to take a chance on her anyway. Obviously no existing character was going to work for this, so enter TP.
Nabiki/nobody: In the original series, Nabsy typically viewed male suitors as a vehicle for getting things that she wanted, so whatever goals she has for personal fulfillment probably lie in other directions. I'm not even sure what kind of person under what circumstances could change this, and in this story I didn't even try.
Tsubasa/nobody: Yeah, like this is a surprise to anyone. :) Tsubasa is only in this story for his scene with the tank, and to satirize certain attitudes toward the opposite gender. I omitted him from the final chapter just to see if anyone noticed; no one did.
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HaMake 3: A Man Among Transitions
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Tofu stared intently at the computer screen, scanning through paragraph after paragraph of prose and dialog. And he counted. Kasumi... Akane... Shan Pu... Ji Ma... Kodachi... Ukyo. Six. At least. Maybe more that we don't know about.
The sound of the doorbell echoed through the house.
Tofu supposed he should see who was at the door. But he really wanted to read the story again.
The doorbell rang once more.
Tofu sighed. "Honey?" he called. "Could you get the door?"
"No, I couldn't."
"Please? I'm reading fanfiction."
"I mean I really couldn't."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a ghost. I no longer have a corporeal form."
"Oh." Tofu stood up and walked to the door. "Right. I keep forgetting."
Kasumi hovered above the staircase. "You shouldn't be surprised. My premonition of the future told us that we would be re-enacting a Vincent Seifert fanfic."
Tofu stepped down the stairs. "I was really hoping it would be a different one."
"I know," Kasumi said with sympathy.
[Vince's site, for those who don't get the reference]
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What's in the names?
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Perhaps the most frequently asked question about this series has been: what are all the hidden jokes or other meanings in the names? They are listed below. If something isn't listed then it's probably an arbitrary name (most of the Mongol names are in this category). Note that joke names are provided to give a laugh to those who bother to look them up, and aren't necessarily meant to describe the characters and institutions in question. Ikasama, for example, is meant as a bona fide (though not very prestigious) university.
-Lan Zhilei: Sounds like "lingere".
-Chapatsu Hiroshi, Mifune Daisuke, Nikai Yuka: These characters are unnamed in the original series. The given names Hiroshi, Daisuke, and Yuka (as well as Sayuri who only has a cameo or two in HaM and no family name given) are from the TV adaptation, which isn't canon for HaM but the names are established and as good as anything. "Chapatsu" means light-haired; Hiroshi was referred to by this in the Ranma memorial book, most likely as a description, but I use it as his family name because it's as good as anything else. Mifune Daisuke is the name of a supporting character from another series whose characters are far better known in the USA by their dub names; our Daisuke doesn't look nor behave much at all like that one, but a name's a name. (Daisuke's scene in Prelude 10 attempted to bring him more in line with that other Daisuke.) "Nikai" means "second floor"; using this as Yuka's family name is an in-joke based on "Luka," a pop song -- see Prelude 8 where she and somebody else more or less recite the lyrics.
-Donku (Prelude 2): means "slow, stupid" I'm pretty sure his company, Tokutekunai, meant something too but I don't recall what that was.
-Kaede: Based, as you've probably guessed, on the similar character from Inu-Yasha.
-Komori: Means "babysitter".
-Shan Peine (Pu's dad): Sounds like "Champagne". This character appears in the original series but is unnamed there.
-Inchiki, Choromakasu, and Kapparau (Prelude 8): As one commenter put it, the rough Japanese equivalent of "Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe."
-Ikasama: Means "fraud, trickery, counterfeit"
-Liang (Ranma's alias in Prelude 8): Chinese word meaning two (of something). This meaning has no real relevance to the story but I used it here because it had been Ranma's alias in my earlier There Goes The Neighborhood, there indicating his room number at Maison Ikkoku.
-Joseph R. Kane: An allusion to the mythological character Cain. (Notice how in one scene he refers to the Amazons as very able.)
-UCF: See the George Carlin album "An Evening With Wally Londo."
-Feng Lili: "Feng" is a not-uncommon Chinese surname meaning "phoenix." "Lili" is just a generic female given name. I first made up this name for another fanfic, Pools of Horror. It's since been used by other authors, which is fine with me, but it shouldn't be mistaken for canon.
-Hakano Jiro: No comment on this one. There is a reason why this guy is called what he's called, but I'm not saying what it is.
-Yang Wei (Lili's fiancee mentioned in prelude 10): A Chinese name, a homonym of which means "impotent." Used first in _Pools of Horror_ in which Lili, having taken over Ranma's body, mistakes Tatewaki for her old beau and asks him if he is really Yang Wei.
-Yabuisha Hiru (doctor in prelude 10): I think this meant "Doctor Leech."
-Ke Lashi (Shan Pu's mother from "A Different Faith"): Sounds like "clash."
-Xi Ne, Ge Biaori, He Chuli (mentioned in "A Different Faith"): In-joke names chosen to sound like characters from a certain '90s TV show about a woman warrior.
-Ke Pute (Shan Pu's deceased grandmother mentioned in "A Different Faith"): Sounds like "kaput."
-Zhuangsuan (university in "A Different Faith"): Means "to play dumb; to pretend to not know."
-Ti Pi: Sounds like "T. P."
-Tai Baote (an Elder in "A Different Faith"): Sounds like "Tybalt," the alias used by moderators of the Fanfiction Mailing List around 1997-1999.
-Yaocaicun: I don't know what this means if anything but it's the canon name for this village, the one that Pink and Link come from.
-Zhen Ben: Means "really stupid."
-Zhen Biaozi; Literally means "real whore" but would probably be taken as something like "real bitch."
-Bi Dei: Sounds like "bidet".
-Kui Ziling: Sounds like "quisling."
-Ban Daide (healer): Sounds like "band-aid."
-Ke Ni (mentioned as a dead Amazon): Sounds like a South Park reference. (This author has never seen any South Park but nevertheless knows the catch phrases and so figures that the readers probably do too.)
-Rou (soldier killed by Ti Pi): Means "meat" in Mandarin which accurately indicates his fate in the story. His given name wasn't given in the story, but if it had been it would've meant "dead."
-Aburakkoi (restaurant that Saotome Hikaru likes): Roughly means "greasy spoon."
-Bie Baoyuan (hotel): Means "Don't complain."
-Linghungbao: Means "Soul gem."
-Cunzhuang: Fictional village whose name means "village."
-Congtou (newspaper read by Mu Si): Means "Onion." I hope I don't need to explain this one.
-Mu Yi, Mu Er, and Mu San (Mu Si's brothers): Yi, er, san, are the numbers one, two, three. The joke is that the syllable for four is a homonym (though with a different intonation) for Mu Si's given name.
-Kakikizu: means "scratch."
-Private Martinez: In-joke reference to a certain fanfic writer made infamous by Megane 6.7's MSTings of his work.
-Dong Wupo: If I remember right, it means "cold witch."
-Tsukubari (Ukyo's dad's supplier in the old days): Means "boasting, pride." I can't remember why I used it for this guy.
-Akemi (Ukyo's restaurant supply company): Used here because it sounds like "Acme."
-Tekido (Gos' old school); means "middle" in the sense of "moderate."
-Fukumi Warai: Roughly means "chuckles."
-Tsakhi: Name of a real-world Mongol government figure. The guy in the story could be him, but more likely is just using the name as his alias.
-Pu Yichi: Sounds like "Peach." This character is unnamed in canon and generally just known as the Jusenkyo Guide. His daughter's name, Pu Lanmu ("Plum"), is canon, so I went with the fruit motif for his.
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HaMake 4: Snack to the Future
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Ukyo glanced down at her futon. "Feeling better, sugar?"
The young lady sat up. "Where-- when--"
"My name's Kuonji Ukyo. You collapsed right outside my okonomiyaki shop. I brought you up here to rest. Do you need a doctor?"
"No, I'll be all right." She stood up, straightening out her uniform. It looked like standard sailor-style high school issue, though the colors didn't match any of the ones in the area. "Thanks for helping me." She glanced at the daily newspaper on Ukyo's desk.
"My pleasure, hon," Ukyo said, not really understanding any of what the girl said. "C'mon downstairs and I'll fix you something to eat."
"I don't have any money."
Ukyo smiled. "Don't worry. It's on the house." She'd seen this girl appear out of nowhere. Anybody who could do that had to have a really interesting story to tell. And even if she wouldn't be able to tell it, after so many years of pinching pennies it felt good to be able to do something nice without worrying about it.
"That's very nice of you," the girl said as she walked toward the door. "My name's Suzuko," she added. "Nakamura Suzuko."
Suzuko walked down the stairs into the restaurant and was soon sitting on a stool chowing down on okonomiyaki. Mikado watched as Ukyo prepared three more on the grill.
"This is really good, Ukyo," Suzuko said as she stuffed another bite into her mouth.
"Thanks, sugar. I'm very proud of it." Ukyo's spatula flashed as she packaged okonomiyaki into boxes. "Is there anyone I should call on your behalf? I don't want them to worry about you."
"You wouldn't be able to reach my husband. But it's okay. I'll get back in plenty of time."
"All right, then." Ukyo handed a stack of boxes to Mikado. "Here are those deliveries, hon. Address is on the top box."
Mikado nodded. "A great pleasure to meet you, my dear." He bowed at Suzuko, paused as if expecting that something else might happen, and then exited.
"Your husband?" Suzuko asked. "He's charming."
"Charming he is, yeah," Ukyo said. "We're not married, though we might be headed in that direction. I'm just not sure if I want to take that step, y'know? He's trying hard, I know he is. But ladies men die hard. I'm sure he was tempted to kiss you on his way out. I just wish I knew whether this was going to turn out well. But I guess there's no way to know until you try."
"Maybe." Suzuko smiled enigmatically. "Listen, I need to step outside for something. I should be back in a few minutes and then we can talk more about this. Okay?" She pulled a cigarette lighter from a pocket.
"Sure. Enjoy your smoke, and thanks for not doing it in here."
"I don't smoke. This is for something else."
"I understand," Ukyo said, not understanding at all.
The giant sign read The Original Ucchan's. The building had obviously been remodeled, and now spanned its entire block. Suzuko stared as crowds of diners walked in and out. Obviously business had improved.
Traveling through time seemed to get easier every time she did it. All she needed now was the tiny flame that the lighter produced, and she was sure that with a little more practice she'd be able to do it without any fire at all. Her accuracy was also getting better. The time before, she'd been in danger and had to jump without any preparation and still ended up on Ukyo's doorstep which had been fairly close to where she'd aimed. This time she'd been ready and had gotten to the precise time and place she'd wanted.
She walked through the door. The interior had been expanded, with a separate kitchen and rooms full of dining tables and booths. "Good afternoon. How many in your party?" a hostess in a uniform similar to Ukyo's asked.
"I'm not eating. I came to talk to Kuonji Ukyo. I met her once twenty years ago. I'm not sure if she'd remember--"
"Suzuko!" Ukyo came through a set of doors. "It is you!" She now wore a kimono with an alternating purple and yellow diamond pattern. Her face showed a few signs of wear, but overall she looked a good deal more confident and in control. "Get my friend whatever she'd like," she said to the server.
"Oh no, I just ate. I just came to see you, Ukyo. How long has it been?" Suzuko said, not mentioning that she knew the answer. Objectively twenty years, subjectively only a few minutes. They went over to the corner table and sat. "How have you been? It looks like business is good. Did you finally marry Mikado?"
"Yeah, I did," Ukyo said. "And it was just the way you predicted. Some rough patches, but overall I'm happy and wouldn't change anything. He's been a good husband and a good father."
"I'm so happy it worked out for you!"
"Of course Kishu... that's our son... nobody could've predicted him. He should be back from school any minute now. If you're sticking around you really need to meet him. I love the boy dearly, but he's a one-of-a-kind experience."
"Sure, I'd like to meet him," Suzuko said.
The two stepped outside. A pair of restaurant patrons intercepted Ukyo, and the three of them conversed.
"Excuse me, madam?" a voice called from behind Suzuko.
She turned, just in time to catch an object that was thrust into her hands. She looked to see what it was. It was a pastry of some sort, with a pie-like crust shell on the outside and custard-like filling on the inside. Bits of bacon and vegetable poked out from within the filling.
She looked up to see a boy in what was obviously a school uniform. He was thin but muscular, like a runner. "Five hundred and twelve," he said.
"Come again?"
"Five hundred and twelve women," he said with stern seriousness, "each more beautiful than the last. Five hundred and twelve beautiful women, and I have given each one a quiche!"
[For those who don't know, Suzuko (no family name given in the series) is the protagonist of _The Fire Tripper_, a Takahashi one-shot in which the heroine is displaced in time when exposed to flames. Props (whatever those are) to anyone who gets the reference in the family name that I gave her.]
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A Few Words From Kasumi
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Hello! This is Kasumi from HaM speaking. Well, not really speaking, but actually typing. And it's actually teacher Kaede who's typing, since I'm technically deceased. I don't mind that. It's actually convenient in some ways. I don't need to spend time showering or changing clothes anymore. I used to have problems around, er, that time of the month but now I don't.
Some of you might remember that I did a revengefic against the author of this story. I assure everyone that it was all done in good fun and that our differences were worked out with no lasting hard feelings. Some have speculated that my, er, revenging may have had something to do with the nine-year hiatus between parts six and seven. I want to state unequivocally that this is absolutely probably not true.
Anyway, I came here (even though I'm not really here) to talk (though I'm not really talking) to you about something. It's come to my attention that some of you out there are reading fanfics without paying for them. But aren't fanfics free, you ask? Well, yes and no. A novel trilogy the length of this story might cost you a thousand yen or so if you bought it at a book shop. You don't need to do that for fanfics. You pay for fanfics not with money but with feedback to their authors. It's easy. Just hit reply (or if you're a ghost like me, have your living host do it) and let the author know that you read the series, and say what you thought of it.
But you don't have any great special insight or expertise, you say. That's okay. You still read the story, and you can describe how you experienced it. Your experience might be different than how any other readers', and that makes it valuable. Once you get into the habit of doing it you'll find that you have more and more to say as time goes on. It's easy, it doesn't cost you anything, so do it every time you read a fanfic. I hope this clarifies things, so I don't have to come and explain it to you.
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HaMake 5: Persona Non Grata
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"I don't trust that man," Akane said.
She and Nabiki watched from the living room as their father led the bearded westerner into the dojo. "Why not?" Nabiki asked.
"Remember those memos that your hacker friends got ahold of? The ones from those foreign government people who killed Kasumi? They said that they were interested in martial arts training and how it can improve people to the point where we're a match for their agents with paranormal powers."
"Yeah, I remember. What about it?"
"That must be one of them! I talked to him and he knows lots of things that nobody else would. He knows who Ryoga is and even about Shan Pu and Tatewaki getting married."
Nabiki laughed. "Akane, he's not a spy."
"How else could he know all of those things? It's unbelievable! First they murder our sister and then they expect us to teach their people how to fight? I've a good mind to march right into that dojo and tell him to go away, that we don't want his kind around here. That seems like the least we could do for our sister."
"If I thought he was who you think he is, I'd do a lot worse than that," Nabiki said. "But he isn't."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Akane, as soon as this guy showed up asking for lessons, I checked into him. I know exactly what he is, and it's nothing to do with any foreign governments."
"Then what is he?"
Nabiki smirked. "He's a self-insert character."
"Oh." Akane thought for a moment. "Well, obviously that completely changes things."
Akane marched into the dojo, with Nabiki directly behind her.
"Go away," she told the man. "We don't want your kind around here."
"Right," he said, and exited.
"I'm glad we cleared that up," Nabiki said.
"I did it for my sister," Akane said. "After all, Ukyo has a boyfriend now, so it's you he'd be after."
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And that's a wrap. To everyone who's made it this far, thank you for being a part of this, and I hope you enjoyed it.
OMAKE AND AUTHOR NOTES
Ranma 1/2 manga fanfiction
by Gary Kleppe
The characters of Ranma 1/2 are the creation of and rightful property of Rumiko Takahashi. They are used here without permission. This story may be freely redistributed, but it should not be altered substantially or used for profit in any way.
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HaMake 1: Ki-rogenous Zones
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"Hey, Akane," Ranma said. "There's something I've been meaning to ask you." They had just finished cleaning up after a practice session and were sitting in the living room, waiting for Soun and Nodoka to get dressed for a night out.
"What's that?"
"Remember back when we were fighting Herb? You used two new ki attacks. I figured the first one was based on your anger at seeing me with that Mongol woman. What was the second? What did you see when you looked into the gem?"
"Oh." Akane flushed. "I saw you, actually."
"You saw me in the gem? Wasn't I there at the time so that you could look across the room and see me?"
"You were there, yeah, but the image... er... was a little different."
"How so?" Ranma asked with a carefully neutral face. He was sure he was getting at something that he'd be able to tease her about for a long time.
"You were dressed... a certain way," she said.
"What way?"
Her face reddening, Akane picked up Hikaru's sketch pad and started to draw.
Ranma looked at what was a rough sketch of his male self, naked except for a g-string narrowly covering his genitals. "Akane?!" he said with mock surprise. "I'm absolutely shocked to learn that I'm married to a... pervert!"
"Jerk!" She socked him in the shoulder, and laughed. "I can still do both of those attacks, you know, though not with anywhere near the power that the gem gave me."
"That's great, Akane. As the one who taught you Ki Attacks 101, I'm proud."
Akane smiled mischievously. "I think we should get you an outfit like that, Ranma. Our anniversary is coming up."
Ranma could feel his own face turn red. "I couldn't wear something like that! I wouldn't even know where to buy it."
"Me neither. But I bet Nabiki would. Come on, it'd be just between us."
Ranma looked away. "No chance."
"Remember last year, when I wore that satin and lace nighty that you liked? I think fair's fair, don't you?"
Ranma thought for a moment. "You're right, Akane. We should be fair, so I should do the same." He changed into woman form. "You do still have that nighty, right?"
Akane laughed. "Nice try. I'll talk to Nabiki."
Ranma sighed. It was odd that he felt no compunctions about flaunting his female body. But doing something like that with his man side felt... weird. But like she said, fair was fair, and it would be just the two of them. What could happen that would be so bad?
The doctor glanced down at his clipboard. "Mrs. Saotome, I'm sorry your husband had to spend your anniversary night in the hospital. But I have his test results. He's recovering quickly and he should soon be as good as new in a few days."
"Thanks, doctor." Sheepishly, Akane looked back at Ranma's hospital bed. "Sorry," she said for what had to be about the twenty-seventh time.
"Akane, when I'm out of here, I'll need to teach you Ki Attacks 102: How to keep them from going off when you don't want them to."
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Series Notes
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Yes, this is it. You hold in your hands (so to speak) the very last piece of Ranma 1/2: Hearts and Minds. I've been writing this series off and on (mostly off) for the better part of fifteen years. Sometimes it seemed like it would never be finished. Sometimes near the end it seemed like nobody cared about it all that much anymore. But I always said that barring major disaster I would eventually finish what I started. I had no idea that it would take this long; the need for gainful employment took precedence, as did starting my own family.
A lot of people deserve thanks for helping out with this story. First of all, the prereaders, each of whom went over one or more chapters before the rest of you got to see them. Roughly in descending order of how many chapters they did, they are Yoiko, Krista Fisk (nee Perry), Ed Becerra, Keener Barnes, Lara Bartram, Matt Posner, KaraOhki, Thomas Schmidt, and Bob Macfie. Ed also deserves thanks for sharing his expertise on warfare and the military; Ranma and company's guerilla campaign against the Mongol soldiers in chapters 3-4 mostly came out of IRC discussions with him.
Then there are those who sent helpful comments and reactions to the FFML or over email. There are too many to list them all, but particular thanks to Bert Miller, Mythril Moth, Bjorn Christianson, Alan Harnum, Ronny Hedin, Michael Noakes, Anand Rao, Rakhal Stormwarden, Shymrod, Grayson Towler, Ginrai, Mike Grant, Denise Cameron, and Jiro Maeda. If I'm omitting somebody who sent more than one or two responses, it's not that I'm intending to slight anyone; it's just my bad memory and incomplete email archives. Extra-special thanks to Michael Clark who posted detailed, thoughtful comments on *every* chapter during the final series of reposts.
So where did all of this come from? When I started writing fanfic I wanted to eventually write every major type of fanfic, except for ones that I generally didn't like such as non-parody self-inserts and lemons. (I eventually did write the latter in collaboration with Yoiko.) So I wanted to do a continuation. Ranma 1/2 has a large and diverse cast, and I wanted to do some interesting development with all of the major characters, so such a thing would need to be a major work. To avoid this being just another match-'em-up fic, I would tie each character's individual storyline into an overall plot that would take place a number of years after the end of the series.
But what would that story be? The basic idea I came up with was that if Ranma and friends are as powerful as they seem to be, then they could become enough of a factor to significantly influence world events and be in conflict with other powerful persons or organizations. Threatening the Amazon village was the easiest way to get this to happen. Any place capable of producing someone as powerful as Cologne should've attracted attention long ago, and they're just one of the many players in that region.
I pretty much had the basic plot in mind when I started writing. The only significant late addition was Zhen Biaozi as a renegade Amazon Elder. A lot of times I'd take scenes that needed to be there to establish plot points or exposition and rethink them to have something more interesting going on. But the basic plot and most of the character development ideas were always there.
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HaMake 2: By The Book
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Gan's Restaurant stood at the edge of a rural Mongol village. But for the hand-lettered sign that said "EAT," the run-down building would have been mistaken for a farm house. But the food was reliable, usually, and there weren't a lot of other options this far away from the city.
Tanaka Kenjiro sat at the counter, munching down rice and beans, wishing the man next to him wasn't so conspicuous. Around here, white-skinned westerners were about as common as green-skinned Martians.
"Let's get to business," the man said in passable Japanese. "There's a certain four people that my superiors would like to have eliminated. We understand that you used to provide such services for the Yakuza."
"Yeah," Kenjiro said. "But we had whatcha call a little falling out. They got the idea that I'd been doing freelance work and not cutting them in."
"Were you?"
"Naaaah. I always did everything above board, by the book. I'm an honest crook. But some joker set me up so *he* could take the business *I* was getting. You can't trust nobody no more, I tell ya. But the bigwigs weren't about to believe me on that, so I had to get out of the country fast, for the sake of my health."
The westerner handed over a manila folder. "Here's the information on the persons we'd like sanctioned."
Kenjiro scanned past photographs and printed information sheets. "Yeah, I've heard of most of these people. I think some of them are part of the new government that's being formed. Is that why you want 'em bumped off? So you can get your own people in instead?"
"Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies."
Jerk, Kenjiro thought. "Okay, whatever. I'll do it if the price you're offering is right."
"I think you'll find--"
A commotion arose in the front of the restaurant. Diners scurried out, some of them upending their seats in the process. A moment later, a panda bear entered. "Grrrowf!" it said.
"Jesus fucking--" The westerner pulled a handgun out of his sport coat as he stood up and stepped back.
In no time, the panda crossed the room and grabbed ahold of the arm that the gun was in. The man yelped as his weapon fell to the floor.
Kenjiro backed away slowly.
The panda staggered up to the table and picked up the bowl that Kenjiro had been eating from. Expertly wielding his chopsticks, it stuffed several mouthfuls of rice and beans into its mouth and chewed noisily.
The western man inched around the table, angling to where he could make a grab for his gun.
"Grrrowf!" The panda picked up the gun, aimed, and fired three shots directly into the man's chest.
Kenjiro raised his hands in surrender. "What the hell?" he said.
The panda threw a piece of paper towards him, then marched out of the building. Kenjiro unrolled the paper, which looked like a picture of a panda, maybe from a children's book. Below the picture was a line of text.
A PANDA BEAR EATS SHOOTS AND LEAVES
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The Match-ups
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HaM is not really of the "match 'em all up" genre that you see in fanfiction. Character match-ups in this series and in the Preludes are explored to the extent they are not for their own sake but as vehicles for developing the characters. Part of my goal for this series was to do some sort of interesting development with each one of the regular characters and the pairings below were mostly chosen because I thought they could happen and because I thought they would show something about the characters. Since as I said HaM is not a match-'em'-up fic as such, it leaves the relationships in various stages of development, with some of the cast not involved in any at all.
Ranma/Akane: Takahashi has called them the only real couple in the series, and I have no idea how anyone could read it and not agree with that. This doesn't mean that there's no sense in considering alternatives. I myself have written Ranma/Kasumi (A Peaceful Life), Ranma/Shampoo with Akane/Ryoga (Tangled Web), and probably others that don't spring to mind. But such things need to be thought of as alternative in some sense and that isn't what HaM is about.
Ryoga/Akari: Probably the second most canonical couple of the series, but one that doesn't get explored too much in fanfiction. The typical fanfic writer seems more interested in contriving to get rid of Akari. Something like "Akari? Oh yeah, a sixteen-ton weight fell on her last month. Sad." Or maybe just "Akari? Who's that?"
Tatewaki/Shan Pu: I admit to having had a soft spot for these two as a couple ever since matching them in A Peaceful Life. The superficial similarities in some ways are just too good to ignore. It's also interesting to see macho-man Tatewaki in a gender-reversed situation where he's expected to take a less dominant role. Of course he had to go through some growth before anybody was likely to take him seriously.
Mu Si/Azusa: Another couple that I wanted to explore based on circumstantial traits: She loves cute stuff, and he can produce lots of it. With the treatment of Azusa in this series, their relationship ended up being more akin to father-daughter. But that may have been what Mu needed, to learn to be able to give what someone needs rather than what he wants to give.
Ukyo/Mikado: Ryoga and Konatsu seem to be the most popular matches for Ukyo. Her tendency in the series was to use people to get what she wanted, and either of those guys would've let her get away with it. I thought it would be more interesting to put her with someone having his own agenda who wouldn't just give her what she wanted and who would rub her the wrong way at first.
Gosunkugi/new character: Since Gos came along looking for adventure, my idea was for him to go through the series being romantically interested in someone who would give him ambiguous signals. He would keep hoping that she would give him a definite sign one way or the other, but she never would, so at the very end of the story he'd have to take a chance on her anyway. Obviously no existing character was going to work for this, so enter TP.
Nabiki/nobody: In the original series, Nabsy typically viewed male suitors as a vehicle for getting things that she wanted, so whatever goals she has for personal fulfillment probably lie in other directions. I'm not even sure what kind of person under what circumstances could change this, and in this story I didn't even try.
Tsubasa/nobody: Yeah, like this is a surprise to anyone. :) Tsubasa is only in this story for his scene with the tank, and to satirize certain attitudes toward the opposite gender. I omitted him from the final chapter just to see if anyone noticed; no one did.
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HaMake 3: A Man Among Transitions
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Tofu stared intently at the computer screen, scanning through paragraph after paragraph of prose and dialog. And he counted. Kasumi... Akane... Shan Pu... Ji Ma... Kodachi... Ukyo. Six. At least. Maybe more that we don't know about.
The sound of the doorbell echoed through the house.
Tofu supposed he should see who was at the door. But he really wanted to read the story again.
The doorbell rang once more.
Tofu sighed. "Honey?" he called. "Could you get the door?"
"No, I couldn't."
"Please? I'm reading fanfiction."
"I mean I really couldn't."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a ghost. I no longer have a corporeal form."
"Oh." Tofu stood up and walked to the door. "Right. I keep forgetting."
Kasumi hovered above the staircase. "You shouldn't be surprised. My premonition of the future told us that we would be re-enacting a Vincent Seifert fanfic."
Tofu stepped down the stairs. "I was really hoping it would be a different one."
"I know," Kasumi said with sympathy.
[Vince's site, for those who don't get the reference]
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What's in the names?
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Perhaps the most frequently asked question about this series has been: what are all the hidden jokes or other meanings in the names? They are listed below. If something isn't listed then it's probably an arbitrary name (most of the Mongol names are in this category). Note that joke names are provided to give a laugh to those who bother to look them up, and aren't necessarily meant to describe the characters and institutions in question. Ikasama, for example, is meant as a bona fide (though not very prestigious) university.
-Lan Zhilei: Sounds like "lingere".
-Chapatsu Hiroshi, Mifune Daisuke, Nikai Yuka: These characters are unnamed in the original series. The given names Hiroshi, Daisuke, and Yuka (as well as Sayuri who only has a cameo or two in HaM and no family name given) are from the TV adaptation, which isn't canon for HaM but the names are established and as good as anything. "Chapatsu" means light-haired; Hiroshi was referred to by this in the Ranma memorial book, most likely as a description, but I use it as his family name because it's as good as anything else. Mifune Daisuke is the name of a supporting character from another series whose characters are far better known in the USA by their dub names; our Daisuke doesn't look nor behave much at all like that one, but a name's a name. (Daisuke's scene in Prelude 10 attempted to bring him more in line with that other Daisuke.) "Nikai" means "second floor"; using this as Yuka's family name is an in-joke based on "Luka," a pop song -- see Prelude 8 where she and somebody else more or less recite the lyrics.
-Donku (Prelude 2): means "slow, stupid" I'm pretty sure his company, Tokutekunai, meant something too but I don't recall what that was.
-Kaede: Based, as you've probably guessed, on the similar character from Inu-Yasha.
-Komori: Means "babysitter".
-Shan Peine (Pu's dad): Sounds like "Champagne". This character appears in the original series but is unnamed there.
-Inchiki, Choromakasu, and Kapparau (Prelude 8): As one commenter put it, the rough Japanese equivalent of "Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe."
-Ikasama: Means "fraud, trickery, counterfeit"
-Liang (Ranma's alias in Prelude 8): Chinese word meaning two (of something). This meaning has no real relevance to the story but I used it here because it had been Ranma's alias in my earlier There Goes The Neighborhood, there indicating his room number at Maison Ikkoku.
-Joseph R. Kane: An allusion to the mythological character Cain. (Notice how in one scene he refers to the Amazons as very able.)
-UCF: See the George Carlin album "An Evening With Wally Londo."
-Feng Lili: "Feng" is a not-uncommon Chinese surname meaning "phoenix." "Lili" is just a generic female given name. I first made up this name for another fanfic, Pools of Horror. It's since been used by other authors, which is fine with me, but it shouldn't be mistaken for canon.
-Hakano Jiro: No comment on this one. There is a reason why this guy is called what he's called, but I'm not saying what it is.
-Yang Wei (Lili's fiancee mentioned in prelude 10): A Chinese name, a homonym of which means "impotent." Used first in _Pools of Horror_ in which Lili, having taken over Ranma's body, mistakes Tatewaki for her old beau and asks him if he is really Yang Wei.
-Yabuisha Hiru (doctor in prelude 10): I think this meant "Doctor Leech."
-Ke Lashi (Shan Pu's mother from "A Different Faith"): Sounds like "clash."
-Xi Ne, Ge Biaori, He Chuli (mentioned in "A Different Faith"): In-joke names chosen to sound like characters from a certain '90s TV show about a woman warrior.
-Ke Pute (Shan Pu's deceased grandmother mentioned in "A Different Faith"): Sounds like "kaput."
-Zhuangsuan (university in "A Different Faith"): Means "to play dumb; to pretend to not know."
-Ti Pi: Sounds like "T. P."
-Tai Baote (an Elder in "A Different Faith"): Sounds like "Tybalt," the alias used by moderators of the Fanfiction Mailing List around 1997-1999.
-Yaocaicun: I don't know what this means if anything but it's the canon name for this village, the one that Pink and Link come from.
-Zhen Ben: Means "really stupid."
-Zhen Biaozi; Literally means "real whore" but would probably be taken as something like "real bitch."
-Bi Dei: Sounds like "bidet".
-Kui Ziling: Sounds like "quisling."
-Ban Daide (healer): Sounds like "band-aid."
-Ke Ni (mentioned as a dead Amazon): Sounds like a South Park reference. (This author has never seen any South Park but nevertheless knows the catch phrases and so figures that the readers probably do too.)
-Rou (soldier killed by Ti Pi): Means "meat" in Mandarin which accurately indicates his fate in the story. His given name wasn't given in the story, but if it had been it would've meant "dead."
-Aburakkoi (restaurant that Saotome Hikaru likes): Roughly means "greasy spoon."
-Bie Baoyuan (hotel): Means "Don't complain."
-Linghungbao: Means "Soul gem."
-Cunzhuang: Fictional village whose name means "village."
-Congtou (newspaper read by Mu Si): Means "Onion." I hope I don't need to explain this one.
-Mu Yi, Mu Er, and Mu San (Mu Si's brothers): Yi, er, san, are the numbers one, two, three. The joke is that the syllable for four is a homonym (though with a different intonation) for Mu Si's given name.
-Kakikizu: means "scratch."
-Private Martinez: In-joke reference to a certain fanfic writer made infamous by Megane 6.7's MSTings of his work.
-Dong Wupo: If I remember right, it means "cold witch."
-Tsukubari (Ukyo's dad's supplier in the old days): Means "boasting, pride." I can't remember why I used it for this guy.
-Akemi (Ukyo's restaurant supply company): Used here because it sounds like "Acme."
-Tekido (Gos' old school); means "middle" in the sense of "moderate."
-Fukumi Warai: Roughly means "chuckles."
-Tsakhi: Name of a real-world Mongol government figure. The guy in the story could be him, but more likely is just using the name as his alias.
-Pu Yichi: Sounds like "Peach." This character is unnamed in canon and generally just known as the Jusenkyo Guide. His daughter's name, Pu Lanmu ("Plum"), is canon, so I went with the fruit motif for his.
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HaMake 4: Snack to the Future
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Ukyo glanced down at her futon. "Feeling better, sugar?"
The young lady sat up. "Where-- when--"
"My name's Kuonji Ukyo. You collapsed right outside my okonomiyaki shop. I brought you up here to rest. Do you need a doctor?"
"No, I'll be all right." She stood up, straightening out her uniform. It looked like standard sailor-style high school issue, though the colors didn't match any of the ones in the area. "Thanks for helping me." She glanced at the daily newspaper on Ukyo's desk.
"My pleasure, hon," Ukyo said, not really understanding any of what the girl said. "C'mon downstairs and I'll fix you something to eat."
"I don't have any money."
Ukyo smiled. "Don't worry. It's on the house." She'd seen this girl appear out of nowhere. Anybody who could do that had to have a really interesting story to tell. And even if she wouldn't be able to tell it, after so many years of pinching pennies it felt good to be able to do something nice without worrying about it.
"That's very nice of you," the girl said as she walked toward the door. "My name's Suzuko," she added. "Nakamura Suzuko."
Suzuko walked down the stairs into the restaurant and was soon sitting on a stool chowing down on okonomiyaki. Mikado watched as Ukyo prepared three more on the grill.
"This is really good, Ukyo," Suzuko said as she stuffed another bite into her mouth.
"Thanks, sugar. I'm very proud of it." Ukyo's spatula flashed as she packaged okonomiyaki into boxes. "Is there anyone I should call on your behalf? I don't want them to worry about you."
"You wouldn't be able to reach my husband. But it's okay. I'll get back in plenty of time."
"All right, then." Ukyo handed a stack of boxes to Mikado. "Here are those deliveries, hon. Address is on the top box."
Mikado nodded. "A great pleasure to meet you, my dear." He bowed at Suzuko, paused as if expecting that something else might happen, and then exited.
"Your husband?" Suzuko asked. "He's charming."
"Charming he is, yeah," Ukyo said. "We're not married, though we might be headed in that direction. I'm just not sure if I want to take that step, y'know? He's trying hard, I know he is. But ladies men die hard. I'm sure he was tempted to kiss you on his way out. I just wish I knew whether this was going to turn out well. But I guess there's no way to know until you try."
"Maybe." Suzuko smiled enigmatically. "Listen, I need to step outside for something. I should be back in a few minutes and then we can talk more about this. Okay?" She pulled a cigarette lighter from a pocket.
"Sure. Enjoy your smoke, and thanks for not doing it in here."
"I don't smoke. This is for something else."
"I understand," Ukyo said, not understanding at all.
The giant sign read The Original Ucchan's. The building had obviously been remodeled, and now spanned its entire block. Suzuko stared as crowds of diners walked in and out. Obviously business had improved.
Traveling through time seemed to get easier every time she did it. All she needed now was the tiny flame that the lighter produced, and she was sure that with a little more practice she'd be able to do it without any fire at all. Her accuracy was also getting better. The time before, she'd been in danger and had to jump without any preparation and still ended up on Ukyo's doorstep which had been fairly close to where she'd aimed. This time she'd been ready and had gotten to the precise time and place she'd wanted.
She walked through the door. The interior had been expanded, with a separate kitchen and rooms full of dining tables and booths. "Good afternoon. How many in your party?" a hostess in a uniform similar to Ukyo's asked.
"I'm not eating. I came to talk to Kuonji Ukyo. I met her once twenty years ago. I'm not sure if she'd remember--"
"Suzuko!" Ukyo came through a set of doors. "It is you!" She now wore a kimono with an alternating purple and yellow diamond pattern. Her face showed a few signs of wear, but overall she looked a good deal more confident and in control. "Get my friend whatever she'd like," she said to the server.
"Oh no, I just ate. I just came to see you, Ukyo. How long has it been?" Suzuko said, not mentioning that she knew the answer. Objectively twenty years, subjectively only a few minutes. They went over to the corner table and sat. "How have you been? It looks like business is good. Did you finally marry Mikado?"
"Yeah, I did," Ukyo said. "And it was just the way you predicted. Some rough patches, but overall I'm happy and wouldn't change anything. He's been a good husband and a good father."
"I'm so happy it worked out for you!"
"Of course Kishu... that's our son... nobody could've predicted him. He should be back from school any minute now. If you're sticking around you really need to meet him. I love the boy dearly, but he's a one-of-a-kind experience."
"Sure, I'd like to meet him," Suzuko said.
The two stepped outside. A pair of restaurant patrons intercepted Ukyo, and the three of them conversed.
"Excuse me, madam?" a voice called from behind Suzuko.
She turned, just in time to catch an object that was thrust into her hands. She looked to see what it was. It was a pastry of some sort, with a pie-like crust shell on the outside and custard-like filling on the inside. Bits of bacon and vegetable poked out from within the filling.
She looked up to see a boy in what was obviously a school uniform. He was thin but muscular, like a runner. "Five hundred and twelve," he said.
"Come again?"
"Five hundred and twelve women," he said with stern seriousness, "each more beautiful than the last. Five hundred and twelve beautiful women, and I have given each one a quiche!"
[For those who don't know, Suzuko (no family name given in the series) is the protagonist of _The Fire Tripper_, a Takahashi one-shot in which the heroine is displaced in time when exposed to flames. Props (whatever those are) to anyone who gets the reference in the family name that I gave her.]
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A Few Words From Kasumi
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Hello! This is Kasumi from HaM speaking. Well, not really speaking, but actually typing. And it's actually teacher Kaede who's typing, since I'm technically deceased. I don't mind that. It's actually convenient in some ways. I don't need to spend time showering or changing clothes anymore. I used to have problems around, er, that time of the month but now I don't.
Some of you might remember that I did a revengefic against the author of this story. I assure everyone that it was all done in good fun and that our differences were worked out with no lasting hard feelings. Some have speculated that my, er, revenging may have had something to do with the nine-year hiatus between parts six and seven. I want to state unequivocally that this is absolutely probably not true.
Anyway, I came here (even though I'm not really here) to talk (though I'm not really talking) to you about something. It's come to my attention that some of you out there are reading fanfics without paying for them. But aren't fanfics free, you ask? Well, yes and no. A novel trilogy the length of this story might cost you a thousand yen or so if you bought it at a book shop. You don't need to do that for fanfics. You pay for fanfics not with money but with feedback to their authors. It's easy. Just hit reply (or if you're a ghost like me, have your living host do it) and let the author know that you read the series, and say what you thought of it.
But you don't have any great special insight or expertise, you say. That's okay. You still read the story, and you can describe how you experienced it. Your experience might be different than how any other readers', and that makes it valuable. Once you get into the habit of doing it you'll find that you have more and more to say as time goes on. It's easy, it doesn't cost you anything, so do it every time you read a fanfic. I hope this clarifies things, so I don't have to come and explain it to you.
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HaMake 5: Persona Non Grata
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"I don't trust that man," Akane said.
She and Nabiki watched from the living room as their father led the bearded westerner into the dojo. "Why not?" Nabiki asked.
"Remember those memos that your hacker friends got ahold of? The ones from those foreign government people who killed Kasumi? They said that they were interested in martial arts training and how it can improve people to the point where we're a match for their agents with paranormal powers."
"Yeah, I remember. What about it?"
"That must be one of them! I talked to him and he knows lots of things that nobody else would. He knows who Ryoga is and even about Shan Pu and Tatewaki getting married."
Nabiki laughed. "Akane, he's not a spy."
"How else could he know all of those things? It's unbelievable! First they murder our sister and then they expect us to teach their people how to fight? I've a good mind to march right into that dojo and tell him to go away, that we don't want his kind around here. That seems like the least we could do for our sister."
"If I thought he was who you think he is, I'd do a lot worse than that," Nabiki said. "But he isn't."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Akane, as soon as this guy showed up asking for lessons, I checked into him. I know exactly what he is, and it's nothing to do with any foreign governments."
"Then what is he?"
Nabiki smirked. "He's a self-insert character."
"Oh." Akane thought for a moment. "Well, obviously that completely changes things."
Akane marched into the dojo, with Nabiki directly behind her.
"Go away," she told the man. "We don't want your kind around here."
"Right," he said, and exited.
"I'm glad we cleared that up," Nabiki said.
"I did it for my sister," Akane said. "After all, Ukyo has a boyfriend now, so it's you he'd be after."
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And that's a wrap. To everyone who's made it this far, thank you for being a part of this, and I hope you enjoyed it.
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