[Gary, Hiroshi, and Daisuke are watching a computer screen.]

Hiroshi: So what game is this?

Gary: Master of Orion's Magical Civilization Tycoon IV. The object is to
subjugate all of the other techno-wizards while building up your own
cities and taking all of the money.

Daisuke: Don't you have any Leisure Suit Larry?

Gary: Nope, don't have that one, sorry. Hey, watch this, I'm about to
open an interdimensional portal. There's supposed to be a real cool
animation for that.

[The Principal's face comes over the screen.]

Principal: Aloha, keiki!

Gary: Ugh! I want my money back on this game!

Principal: You been pre-empted, haole! It's time for de Shonen Sunday
Theater 3000!

Daisuke: As usual, it's nowhere near Sunday.

Principal: You boys goan' make wid' da clever comments on de fanfic.

Gary: Bring it on....

[Screen dissolves...]

"Bravoexo" wrote:

>Race to the End

Daisuke: The Adolph Hitler story: Racist to the End!

Gary: Couldn't you have picked someone more recent?

Hiroshi: And start a political argument on the list?

Gary: Oh yeah, good idea.

>by Bravoexo
>A Fanfic inspired by the Anime Ranma 1/2 (Rumiko Takahashi)

Hiroshi: Hey! Rumiko Takahashi did the *manga* Ranma 1/2!

Gary: Whatever.

>Ranma limbered up. Extending his limbs and torso at all angles hoping to
>relieve his body of any stress.

Daisuke: This sentence no verb.

>Stretching was good for him. And for
>tonight, a requirement of great importance.

Hiroshi: And this one.

Gary: He ought to combine these with the preceding ones: "Ranma limbered
up, extending his limbs and torso at all angles, hoping to
relieve his body of any stress. Stretching was good for him, and for
tonight, a requirement of great importance."

Daisuke: Now why do you suppose it was so important?

Hiroshi: Is this going to be another "Ranma has sex with Akane" story?

Gary: Let's just wait and see, OK?

>He jumped and skipped around,
>feeling his legs. He knew he was in top form, but something in his mind
>wanted more than his hundred percent for his performance tonight. He

Daisuke: Something in his mind wasn't very good at math.

>checked the time, ten more minutes, and made some last minute

Hiroshi: Like running down to the drugstore?

Gary: *sigh*
>"Aren't you going to join us, Ranma?" Kasumi asked while standing in front
>of the gates of the Tendo dojo.

Hiroshi: Yeah! It's an orgy!

[Gary whaps Hiroshi]

>Everyone else was outside, enjoying the
>fireworks, the display of lights and sounds.
>"Coming." Ranma walked out the gates with the eldest of the sisters.
>"Whoa, looks like this will be a great session." The streets was
>literally littered with firecrackers, homemade bombs, some by Happosai
>himself, and some made by Mousse, and a lot more fireworks.
>"Ready?" Akane was jogging in place, smiling in a festive mood. "I'm not
>sure why I'm doing this, though."
Daisuke: Too bad her mother's not around to explain...

Gary: Enough already!

>Ranma chuckled. "Of course you do."

Gary: That should be "Of course you are."

>Ranma walked up to the starting
>block. A chalked line drawn in the middle of the road.

Gary: Another fragment that should get combined.

Hiroshi: You've gotta draw the line somewhere!

>Akane waved
>goodbye and ran further up the street. Ranma took the middle slot. Ryoga
>was on his left, Kuno on his right.
>"Why on earth are we doing this?" Ryoga had to ask. Kuno too was
>"Hey, it wasn't me."

Daisuke: WHAT wasn't him?

Gary: I think he means that it wasn't his idea.

>Ranma turned to the sidelines, where the rest of the
>spectators were taking their places. Nabiki smiled back, waving and
>smirking too. "If you ask me, though. May the best man win." Kuno

Daisuke: If you ask him WHAT?

Gary: Must be an editing mistake.

>stomped his bokken on the ground.

Hiroshi: If it ain't bokken...

Gary: ... don't stomp it.
>"That may be, Saotome. But I will win this one, for the love of my fair
>Akane! You three will be of no meager match in this contest."
>"Bah, humbug, Kuno. What ever happened to your pigtailed goddess?"
>Ranma,and Ryoga too couldn't help laughing in Kuno's face. Mousse all
>ignored them, he stood quietly on his side of the starting line.

Gary: That should read Mousse ignored them all.
>"Don't insult me...you...you...transvestite!! I shall free my fair Akane
>Tendo from your leeching hands!" Ranma wanted to add something, but the
>whistle signaling the start of the contest was blown.

Gary: So Kuno knows in this?

Daisuke: Maybe he just noticed that Ranma dresses in the PTG's clothes?
>"!0, 9, 8," Ranma checked the road ahead, all of the flints were lit, "7,
>6, 5."
Hiroshi: 32, 158, 96...

Daisuke: He's the Count! AH! AH! AH!

>Ryoga sniffed the midnight air. It was filled with the smell of burning
>ember, and most of it was dying to explode in their faces. Kuno threw his
>bokken away, bracing to get a head start. "4, 3, 2,"
>The whole street erupted in flames, explosion, and smoke. Ranma, Ryoga,
>Kuno and Mousse drove right through the crossfire of baby rockets,
>firecrackers, and of course, several hundred Happosai made bombs. The
>sound was deafening, and more so within the innards of the inferno of
>fire. Screams could be heard, bodies were hurled left and right, slamming
>on the pavement and on the wall. Whoever would emerge on the end would
>certainly be worthy of the prize.
Gary: What do you suppose the prize is, guys?

Daisuke: A date with Akane?

Hiroshi: Sex with... OW!!

Gary: Then what's Mousse doing there?

Daisuke: Easy. He couldn't see who the prize was and jumped to the wrong

>Ryoga grimaced as he was nailed down by a rocket. He slammed his fist
>down in frustration, effectively destroying that strip of concrete. He
>jumped up from the debris, hoping to get clear of the fiasco, but only to
>be bludgeoned by a pair of firebombs from above. He raged as he took some
>more hits from several more incendiaries. He cursed, he had never been in
>such a situation. But, nothing would stop him, he shouted out. He wanted
>the prize.
>Kuno was knocked out immediately as he entered the billowing smoke and
>raging fire. He struggled to get up, fire crackers exploding all around
>him. He took one step, only to be thrown forward from a blast from his
>feet. He had lost his feet's worth when two more sphincters pierced

Gary: His feet's worth? What's that?

Hiroshi: About 1000 Yen, according to Nabiki.

Gary: I don't think "sphincter" is the word he wanted here, either.

>through his flesh. But, he didn't give up. He was the knight that was
>coming to the rescue, although tattered and toss by the fireworks, his
>spirit driven him towards the end.
Gary: That should be "tossed", and "driving".

>Mousse was blinded by everything.

Daisuke: Not that that was anything new.

>The smoke as thick as pea soup was the
>least of his worries. He tried to block most of the rockets incoming with
>his chains and hidden weapons. But he soon learned that most of his
>clothes was burning right underneath him. He tossed himself on the

Gary: were burning, and onto the ground

>ground, not in desperation, but because of the huge blast from behind him.
>Fearing, he tried to crawl all the way, but with bombs planted on the
>ground as well, he soon found himself soaring up in the sky. He landed,
>badly shaken, but unperturbed he continued the struggle.
>"And whose bright idea was this?!!" Ukyou fanned out the remaining fog
>with her huge spatula. She scrambled around the charcoal dark debris of
>the street. "Ran-chan! Where the hell are you?!!" She thought she saw a
>hand reaching from beneath the ashes. It was Ryoga and she spared no time
>scooping him up from the pile of spent fireworks.. "Ryoga? Are you
Hiroshi: This smells like another matchmaker fic...

Gary: At least the method is original, even if the result isn't!

>Shampoo clumsily dug her way around the street. She didn't have any
>experience dredging in ashes, but she desperately went on looking for her
>airen. "Ranma? Are you here?" Missed, she thought. She hopped to
>another mound, hoping this time it was Ranma underneath. A little of
>chains told her otherwise. "Stupid Mousse! Why you need to do this?"

Daisuke: A little WHAT of chains?

Gary: A little glimpse of chain, maybe.

Hiroshi: He could have at least made it Mousse/Ukyo and Shamps/Ryoga.
That would've been different, at least.

>Pity made her pick the wounded friend off the rubble.
>Akane started kicking her way through the wanton destruction. She even
>considered pulling out her mallet since it was quite attracted to her
>fiancÚ. But after a few more minutes of searching, she failed to find
>him. "Ranma?! Where are you?"
>"Over here?" Akane startlingly turned around. Ranma was raising himself
>off the dark and murky street floor. She ran up to him, helping him to
>his feet. She hurled his arm on her shoulder. "Did I win?" Akane looked
>further down the road, where everyone was picking up a wounded suitor.
>"Looks like you made it farther than everyone else." Ranma smiled,
>breaking the dark soot on his face with his smile.
Hiroshi: And now... SEX!

>"So that's how they all died? From all the injuries?" One nurse asked
>the other nurse who was telling the story.
All: They WHAT?!?

>"No. Apparently they didn't get immunized for Tetanus." All the nurses
All: D'OH!!!!!!!

>The End

[The screen clears. Gary, Hiroshi, and Daisuke stand speechless for a
long time.]

Hiroshi: They all...

Daisuke: ... died...

Hiroshi: ... and from Tetanus, yet! Not even from, say, some social

Gary: It was a shock ending, guys. You gotta admit, it was an attention

Daisuke: Why didn't they get Tetanus shots?! Hospitals *always* give you
Tetanus shots, at least according to Dave Barry.

Gary: C'mon, guys. It's not meant to be taken seriously. Personally I
liked it. Whaddaya think, Sir?

[The Principal comes on screen]

Principal: Be givin' de address!

Gary: Oh yeah. Send comments on this MST to kleppe@execpc.com , or to
the FFML. Send requests for this fic to the author, "Bravoexo"
, or use the FFML archive number, 50817.

Hiroshi: What about us? Couldn't he have left some of those babes alive
for our sake?

Gary: You mean you didn't notice?

Daisuke: Notice what?

Gary: Who wasn't in the competition?

Hiroshi: That's right! There's still...


Daisuke: Here I come, Kodachi darling!

Hiroshi: Whaddaya mean, you?!?

Daisuke: Okay... I'll race you for it! First one to find Kodachi gets to
ask her out!

Hiroshi: Deal!

[H&D run out of the room. The door closes behind them. There is the
muffled sound of a series of explosions, along with a pair of screams.]

Principal: I wen' forgot to tell you about I minin' dat corridor?

Gary: Yeah! You did!

Principal: Oh well. Until next time....