MSTing of Kasumi's Little Secret Parts 1-3 by A. J. Woo
Category: Ranma shorts
Posted on May 16, 2013 by Gary
[Scene: Gary, Hiroshi, and Daisuke are in a room that's bare except for
a computer monitor.]
Gary: Hey, everybody. Welcome to another installment of SHONEN SUNDAY
THEATER 3000. My silly cohorts and I have been locked in here by an
insane principal, in order that we might read fanfics and make clever
commentary on them.
Daisuke: Yeah, and for some reason he won't send us any lemons.
Hiroshi: Yeah, what's his problem?
Gary: As the name implies, this is supposed to be a weekly feature,
though list irregularities and my general laziness have gotten in the
way. [The computer screen activates.] Hey, the Principal is calling.
[Miss Hinako appears on screen.]
Hiroshi: Miss Hinako? Where's the Principal?
Hinako: He's stepped out for a moment. But he's left me, his assistant,
in charge. You naughty boys had better watch it!
Daisuke: Why? It's not like you can drain our ki through a computer
screen! HAHAHAHA!!!
Hiroshi: Yeah! We're safe! BWAHAHAHA!!
Hinako: HAPPO GOEN SATSU!!
[Gary, Hiroshi, and Daisuke's energy gets sucked out through the
monitor, and Hinako goes to full adult size.]
Gary: ... jerks. Why do I have to suffer because of you guys? ...
Hinako: Your story for today is "Kasumi's Little Secret". It's by
Anthony Woo, and its FFML archive number is 37169.
[fic comes on screen]
>This is not a Lemon.
(Hiroshi & Daisuke sigh in disappointment)
> Nor is this a Darkfic. I'm not sure what genre this
>fits into but I'm absolutely sure that it's _not_ either of those.
>
>Kasumi's Little Secret
Gary: What do you suppose her little secret is, guys?
Hiroshi: That she doesn't bathe.
Gary: Huh?
Hiroshi: I heard it on one of the rec.arts.anime groups. Go back and
read the "Battle at the Bathhouse" storyline. Where was Kasumi? Not at
the bathhouse!
Gary: That doesn't necessarily mean...
Hiroshi: Why do you think Happosai leaves her alone, huh?
Daisuke: Kasumi doesn't *need* to bathe. She's always perfectly clean.
Gary: Let's just read the fic...
>Part 1: Kasumi in the Dojo
>A Ranma 1/2 FanFiction
>Version 1.2
>
>All characters are owned by Rumiko Takahashi.
>Please don't sue me ; )
>
> It was a fairly normal Friday in Nerima. Ranma was taking the
>express route home courtesy of Akane's Hammerspace Airlines. <Well,> he
>thought as he crashed into the Tendo's pond, <This is one way to get home
Gary: That should be the Tendos' pond, since there's more than one
Tendo.
>early.>
> Ranma-chan slogged out of the pond towards the house. <I need
>some hot water to change she ought as she passed the dojo and glanced in.
Hiroshi: She ought what?
Daisuke: She ought to skip the hot water. She looks better the way she
is!
Gary: He meant 'thought' instead of 'ought'. Also there should have been
a '>' after 'change'.
> Ranma went back to the dojo and looked in. She hadn't been
>imagining things. Kasumi was there in her gi moving across the floor in
>what looked, at first glance, like a slow, complex, and graceful dance.
><It's not just a dance,> Ranma thought as she watched in amazement. She
>recognized several of Kasumi movements as marital arts techniques, there
Hiroshi: Marital arts techniques?? I thought this wasn't going to be a
lemon!
Daisuke: Dummy! If this were a lemon, he'd have given explicit
descriptions!
Gary: Guys, it's supposed to be 'martial arts'.
Daisuke: AJ is competing with Keener for the Most Embarrassing Typo
award.
>were a couple of simple kicks and several complex joint locks. Ranma was
>simply shocked. He had never imagined _Kasumi_ engaging in martial arts.
Gary: I think that should be 'she'. That's how female Ranma has been
referred to up until now.
Hiroshi: You know, I *have* imagined Kasumi doing martial arts. But then
I've imangined a lot of things.
Daisuke: You sure it wasn't marital arts?
>Ranma was curious too.
Gary: I think 'shocked' would already imply that Ranma was curious. The
point here is that Ranma was curious about the particular moves, so
maybe something like that could be said.
> She was unaware of any kata that was performed as
>slowly as Kasumi was moving. Most kata's were best done slow if you were
Gary: katas; no apostrophe.
>just beginning to learn it but Kasumi's movements were graceful and
Gary: just beginning to learn them
> Presently Kasumi finished her kata, bowed to the dojo, and turned
Daisuke: I suppose that's okay, but if the dojo bows back you should be
worried...
> "Yeah, yeah," she said waving her hand dismisively, "I'll be fine.
Gary: dismissively.
> "How'd you do that?" Ranma asked puzzled by her defeat.
Gary: asked,
> As the Ranma and Akane's fight made itself heard in the bathroom
Daisuke: 'The' Ranma? "There can be only one."
Gary: The 'the' shouldn't be there.
>Kasumi sighed again. <Some self control would help a little too,> she
>thought, <Maybe, just maybe, I can train some of these things into him.>
Hiroshi: Don't bet on it!
> The sun was in the process of rising when Ranma's alarm went off.
>Ranma's eyes cracked open as he peered out the window. Instinctively he
>reached out to pound the alarm into silence as he realized that the sun
>had not yet risen. <Why's my alarm goin' off at this time anyway?> he
>asked himself as his fist began it's decent. <It's not like I have t'get
Gary: 'its descent'
><Begin Flashback
Hiroshi: Why do people put these things? Don't they think we can tell
that it's a flashback?!?
> "Oh my," Kasumi said. "Well since you have school and I am far
>too busy once every one gets home...how about tomorrow morning?"
Gary: everyone (one word)
> "The things I put up with for martial arts trainin'," Ranma
>grumbled as he made his way into the bathroom.
Daisuke: He's training there? Must be martial arts potty training!
Gary: That was a cheap one.
> "Ranma no baka," she groaned as she flopped onto her back, and
>tried to get back to sleep.
Hiroshi: Looks like this is gonna be one of those stories where this is
the only kind of line Akane gets.
> "Because it's part of your training Ranma-kun," Kasumi said.
>Ranma was wearing his usual balck pants and red silk shirt; while Kasumi
Gary: black
>was wearing her white karate-gi. The two of them were standing on the
>fence surrounding the Tendo residence, balancing on one leg. Ranma was
>constantly fidgiting, shifting from one stance to another. Kasumi simply
Gary: fidgeting
> "Please stop asking questions Ranma-kun," Kasumi interrupted,
>"just watch the sunrise." Kasumi smiled as she remembered when someone
>had said those exact same words to her.
Hiroshi: It was Nabiki. (Nabiki voice) Just watch the sunrise, while I
grab your wallet!
Daisuke: Nah, Nabiki's got a LITTLE more class than that.
> The first rays of the sun peeked above the horizon, pushing back
>the darkness of the rapidly fading night. Kasumi stood, enchanted by the
>wonderful sight. The light of the sun turned the sky from midnight blue
>to a warm pink and it seemed to glow with life. Slowly the pink faded
>into a bright blue as the birds cried out their welcome to the new day,
>their songs telling of the freedom of flight in that wonderous blue
Gary: 'wondrous'. This is a nice description, BTW.
> Ranma spent the next hour learning the first few techniques of the
>most basic Tai-chi form that Kasumi knew. <Basic she calls it!> Ranma
Daisuke: Would you prefer 'Fortran'?
>thought afterwards, <hah! Most Kempo katas I know are shorter and simpler
>than that one! And that's the _easiest_! What am I getting myself
>into?!> Most of the time was spent watching Kasumi perform the kata and
>asking questions about the techniques. Some of them had seemed purely
>ornamental but Kasumi had demonstrated how each technique could be used in
>both attack and/or defense. After Ranma had watched the entire kata,
>Kasumi started teaching teaching him the beginnings of the form. They
Hiroshi: 'teaching' there is repeated.
Daisuke: Pizza pizza!
>stopped only when they heard Genma calling for Ranma. Ranma's eyes had
>widened in surprise as he said, "Oh boy! I completely lost track of time!
>Sorry, Kasumi, I gotta go!" Kasumi had smiled as he raced out the door.
><Having a student is more stressful than I thought,> she sighed, <but if
>Master Huang could teach me, than I can certainly teach Ranma. After all,
Hiroshi: So it wasn't Tofu? There's a surprise.
> "Neither do I," she said turning back to watch the sunrise. This
>had become a dayly ritual for the two of them as they stood up on the
Gary: daily
>fence. Ranma would come up with a reason why they were standing on the
>fence watching the sunrise and Kasumi would tell him that he was wrong.
>Ranma's answers ranged from the simple to the bizzare. Today was one of
Gary: bizarre
>his more mundane answers; once he suggested that she was trying to improve
>his posture, Kasumi almost fell off the fence laughing that morning.
>Often Ranma would get so caught up in his pondering of the problem that he
>would stop fidgiting and stand still for the entire exercise. He was so
Gary: fidgeting
> "So what _are_ you trainin' by standin' up here?" Ranma asked.
> "Patence Ranma," she said with a smile, "when you figure it out
Gary: Patience
Hiroshi: That's the answer to the question too, I think. Figures Ranma
wouldn't get it.
> "You want me to tell you what I'm supposed to do?" he asked.
> "No," Kasumi responed, "I want you to follow me as I do it."
Gary: responded
> "Then let's begin," she said. Kasumi watched Ranma out of the
>corner of her eye as they moved through the form. This particular form
>came naturally to her, it was the first one that Sifu Huang had taught her
Hiroshi: What's a 'Sifu'?
Gary: A master craftsman, an experienced worker. I've always seen it as
"Shifu". Anyway, presumably it indicates a martial arts master.
> "Ranma, what happens when you punch a rock?"
> "It breaks," he said, confusion evident on his face, "but what-"
> "Now what happens when you punch water?" Kasumi interrupted.
> "Not much, I get a little wet but that's it," he said, still
>confused, "but what-"
Hiroshi: Now what happens when you punch out after work?
Daisuke: Uh, Hiroshi, that wasn't a very good joke.
Hiroshi: Sorry, I couldn't think of a better PUNCH line!
> "Exactly," Kasumi said with a smile, "now do the form again,
>slowly." Ranma began again, but it was a repition of when they were
Gary: repetition
>me,> she thought as she glanced at her watch. <It looks like breakfast'll
>be late again,> she thought as she dashed into the house, <I hope no one's
>in the bathroom yet. It would be tough to explain what I'm doing in a gi
>without revealing that I _didn't_ give up martial arts like everyone
>thought.> Kasumi breathed a sigh of relief as she closed the door of the
>empty bathroom. <It's a good thing I put a set of my normal clothes in
>here before Ranma's lessons, otherwise I'd really be in trouble.>
Daisuke: Yeah, but what if someone finds her clothes there with her not
in them? What will they think?
>Thanx for listening to me rant and rave.
>
Hiroshi: Why is he saying that? This was a really nice story, even
though we never got to see them doing marital arts...
Gary: This is his sig. I think he came up with it during the big debate
on RAAC over 'Bitter End'.
[fic ends; we see Hiroshi and Daisuke staring at the computer screen]
Daisuke: This is cool!
[Gary looks at the screen, which is showing a picture of a sunset]
Gary: Hey, what're you guys doing?
Hiroshi: Quiet, just look at it.
Gary: What about it? It's a screen saver. What's the point?
Daisuke: When you figure it out, you won't need to do it anymore.
Gary: I don't need to do it at all, you guys. [moves the mouse] Hey,
what's this? You guys were reading another fic?
Hiroshi: Yeah. Chris Jones' "Kasumi's OTHER Little Secret".
Gary: Let me see... heh heh... yeah, that IS pretty cool! I never
suspected... Anyway, I guess that's all for this week.
Hinako: What about the address?
Daisuke: Oh yeah. Send your comments on this, and any requests for fics
you'd like to see us do, to kleppe@execpc.com . And don't forget to send
synopses of any fics you post to the list to Mark Doherty
<mdoherty@mailbox.uq.edu.au>. We'll be using Mark's list to pick fics to
do, hopefully every week. Thanks, Mark!
Gary: Until next time...
a computer monitor.]
Gary: Hey, everybody. Welcome to another installment of SHONEN SUNDAY
THEATER 3000. My silly cohorts and I have been locked in here by an
insane principal, in order that we might read fanfics and make clever
commentary on them.
Daisuke: Yeah, and for some reason he won't send us any lemons.
Hiroshi: Yeah, what's his problem?
Gary: As the name implies, this is supposed to be a weekly feature,
though list irregularities and my general laziness have gotten in the
way. [The computer screen activates.] Hey, the Principal is calling.
[Miss Hinako appears on screen.]
Hiroshi: Miss Hinako? Where's the Principal?
Hinako: He's stepped out for a moment. But he's left me, his assistant,
in charge. You naughty boys had better watch it!
Daisuke: Why? It's not like you can drain our ki through a computer
screen! HAHAHAHA!!!
Hiroshi: Yeah! We're safe! BWAHAHAHA!!
Hinako: HAPPO GOEN SATSU!!
[Gary, Hiroshi, and Daisuke's energy gets sucked out through the
monitor, and Hinako goes to full adult size.]
Gary: ... jerks. Why do I have to suffer because of you guys? ...
Hinako: Your story for today is "Kasumi's Little Secret". It's by
Anthony Woo
[fic comes on screen]
>This is not a Lemon.
(Hiroshi & Daisuke sigh in disappointment)
> Nor is this a Darkfic. I'm not sure what genre this
>fits into but I'm absolutely sure that it's _not_ either of those.
>
>Kasumi's Little Secret
Gary: What do you suppose her little secret is, guys?
Hiroshi: That she doesn't bathe.
Gary: Huh?
Hiroshi: I heard it on one of the rec.arts.anime groups. Go back and
read the "Battle at the Bathhouse" storyline. Where was Kasumi? Not at
the bathhouse!
Gary: That doesn't necessarily mean...
Hiroshi: Why do you think Happosai leaves her alone, huh?
Daisuke: Kasumi doesn't *need* to bathe. She's always perfectly clean.
Gary: Let's just read the fic...
>Part 1: Kasumi in the Dojo
>A Ranma 1/2 FanFiction
>Version 1.2
>
>All characters are owned by Rumiko Takahashi.
>Please don't sue me ; )
>
> It was a fairly normal Friday in Nerima. Ranma was taking the
>express route home courtesy of Akane's Hammerspace Airlines. <Well,> he
>thought as he crashed into the Tendo's pond, <This is one way to get home
Gary: That should be the Tendos' pond, since there's more than one
Tendo.
>early.>
> Ranma-chan slogged out of the pond towards the house. <I need
>some hot water to change she ought as she passed the dojo and glanced in.
Hiroshi: She ought what?
Daisuke: She ought to skip the hot water. She looks better the way she
is!
Gary: He meant 'thought' instead of 'ought'. Also there should have been
a '>' after 'change'.
> Ranma went back to the dojo and looked in. She hadn't been
>imagining things. Kasumi was there in her gi moving across the floor in
>what looked, at first glance, like a slow, complex, and graceful dance.
><It's not just a dance,> Ranma thought as she watched in amazement. She
>recognized several of Kasumi movements as marital arts techniques, there
Hiroshi: Marital arts techniques?? I thought this wasn't going to be a
lemon!
Daisuke: Dummy! If this were a lemon, he'd have given explicit
descriptions!
Gary: Guys, it's supposed to be 'martial arts'.
Daisuke: AJ is competing with Keener for the Most Embarrassing Typo
award.
>were a couple of simple kicks and several complex joint locks. Ranma was
>simply shocked. He had never imagined _Kasumi_ engaging in martial arts.
Gary: I think that should be 'she'. That's how female Ranma has been
referred to up until now.
Hiroshi: You know, I *have* imagined Kasumi doing martial arts. But then
I've imangined a lot of things.
Daisuke: You sure it wasn't marital arts?
>Ranma was curious too.
Gary: I think 'shocked' would already imply that Ranma was curious. The
point here is that Ranma was curious about the particular moves, so
maybe something like that could be said.
> She was unaware of any kata that was performed as
>slowly as Kasumi was moving. Most kata's were best done slow if you were
Gary: katas; no apostrophe.
>just beginning to learn it but Kasumi's movements were graceful and
Gary: just beginning to learn them
> Presently Kasumi finished her kata, bowed to the dojo, and turned
Daisuke: I suppose that's okay, but if the dojo bows back you should be
worried...
> "Yeah, yeah," she said waving her hand dismisively, "I'll be fine.
Gary: dismissively.
> "How'd you do that?" Ranma asked puzzled by her defeat.
Gary: asked,
> As the Ranma and Akane's fight made itself heard in the bathroom
Daisuke: 'The' Ranma? "There can be only one."
Gary: The 'the' shouldn't be there.
>Kasumi sighed again. <Some self control would help a little too,> she
>thought, <Maybe, just maybe, I can train some of these things into him.>
Hiroshi: Don't bet on it!
> The sun was in the process of rising when Ranma's alarm went off.
>Ranma's eyes cracked open as he peered out the window. Instinctively he
>reached out to pound the alarm into silence as he realized that the sun
>had not yet risen. <Why's my alarm goin' off at this time anyway?> he
>asked himself as his fist began it's decent. <It's not like I have t'get
Gary: 'its descent'
><Begin Flashback
Hiroshi: Why do people put these things? Don't they think we can tell
that it's a flashback?!?
> "Oh my," Kasumi said. "Well since you have school and I am far
>too busy once every one gets home...how about tomorrow morning?"
Gary: everyone (one word)
> "The things I put up with for martial arts trainin'," Ranma
>grumbled as he made his way into the bathroom.
Daisuke: He's training there? Must be martial arts potty training!
Gary: That was a cheap one.
> "Ranma no baka," she groaned as she flopped onto her back, and
>tried to get back to sleep.
Hiroshi: Looks like this is gonna be one of those stories where this is
the only kind of line Akane gets.
> "Because it's part of your training Ranma-kun," Kasumi said.
>Ranma was wearing his usual balck pants and red silk shirt; while Kasumi
Gary: black
>was wearing her white karate-gi. The two of them were standing on the
>fence surrounding the Tendo residence, balancing on one leg. Ranma was
>constantly fidgiting, shifting from one stance to another. Kasumi simply
Gary: fidgeting
> "Please stop asking questions Ranma-kun," Kasumi interrupted,
>"just watch the sunrise." Kasumi smiled as she remembered when someone
>had said those exact same words to her.
Hiroshi: It was Nabiki. (Nabiki voice) Just watch the sunrise, while I
grab your wallet!
Daisuke: Nah, Nabiki's got a LITTLE more class than that.
> The first rays of the sun peeked above the horizon, pushing back
>the darkness of the rapidly fading night. Kasumi stood, enchanted by the
>wonderful sight. The light of the sun turned the sky from midnight blue
>to a warm pink and it seemed to glow with life. Slowly the pink faded
>into a bright blue as the birds cried out their welcome to the new day,
>their songs telling of the freedom of flight in that wonderous blue
Gary: 'wondrous'. This is a nice description, BTW.
> Ranma spent the next hour learning the first few techniques of the
>most basic Tai-chi form that Kasumi knew. <Basic she calls it!> Ranma
Daisuke: Would you prefer 'Fortran'?
>thought afterwards, <hah! Most Kempo katas I know are shorter and simpler
>than that one! And that's the _easiest_! What am I getting myself
>into?!> Most of the time was spent watching Kasumi perform the kata and
>asking questions about the techniques. Some of them had seemed purely
>ornamental but Kasumi had demonstrated how each technique could be used in
>both attack and/or defense. After Ranma had watched the entire kata,
>Kasumi started teaching teaching him the beginnings of the form. They
Hiroshi: 'teaching' there is repeated.
Daisuke: Pizza pizza!
>stopped only when they heard Genma calling for Ranma. Ranma's eyes had
>widened in surprise as he said, "Oh boy! I completely lost track of time!
>Sorry, Kasumi, I gotta go!" Kasumi had smiled as he raced out the door.
><Having a student is more stressful than I thought,> she sighed, <but if
>Master Huang could teach me, than I can certainly teach Ranma. After all,
Hiroshi: So it wasn't Tofu? There's a surprise.
> "Neither do I," she said turning back to watch the sunrise. This
>had become a dayly ritual for the two of them as they stood up on the
Gary: daily
>fence. Ranma would come up with a reason why they were standing on the
>fence watching the sunrise and Kasumi would tell him that he was wrong.
>Ranma's answers ranged from the simple to the bizzare. Today was one of
Gary: bizarre
>his more mundane answers; once he suggested that she was trying to improve
>his posture, Kasumi almost fell off the fence laughing that morning.
>Often Ranma would get so caught up in his pondering of the problem that he
>would stop fidgiting and stand still for the entire exercise. He was so
Gary: fidgeting
> "So what _are_ you trainin' by standin' up here?" Ranma asked.
> "Patence Ranma," she said with a smile, "when you figure it out
Gary: Patience
Hiroshi: That's the answer to the question too, I think. Figures Ranma
wouldn't get it.
> "You want me to tell you what I'm supposed to do?" he asked.
> "No," Kasumi responed, "I want you to follow me as I do it."
Gary: responded
> "Then let's begin," she said. Kasumi watched Ranma out of the
>corner of her eye as they moved through the form. This particular form
>came naturally to her, it was the first one that Sifu Huang had taught her
Hiroshi: What's a 'Sifu'?
Gary: A master craftsman, an experienced worker. I've always seen it as
"Shifu". Anyway, presumably it indicates a martial arts master.
> "Ranma, what happens when you punch a rock?"
> "It breaks," he said, confusion evident on his face, "but what-"
> "Now what happens when you punch water?" Kasumi interrupted.
> "Not much, I get a little wet but that's it," he said, still
>confused, "but what-"
Hiroshi: Now what happens when you punch out after work?
Daisuke: Uh, Hiroshi, that wasn't a very good joke.
Hiroshi: Sorry, I couldn't think of a better PUNCH line!
> "Exactly," Kasumi said with a smile, "now do the form again,
>slowly." Ranma began again, but it was a repition of when they were
Gary: repetition
>me,> she thought as she glanced at her watch. <It looks like breakfast'll
>be late again,> she thought as she dashed into the house, <I hope no one's
>in the bathroom yet. It would be tough to explain what I'm doing in a gi
>without revealing that I _didn't_ give up martial arts like everyone
>thought.> Kasumi breathed a sigh of relief as she closed the door of the
>empty bathroom. <It's a good thing I put a set of my normal clothes in
>here before Ranma's lessons, otherwise I'd really be in trouble.>
Daisuke: Yeah, but what if someone finds her clothes there with her not
in them? What will they think?
>Thanx for listening to me rant and rave.
>
Hiroshi: Why is he saying that? This was a really nice story, even
though we never got to see them doing marital arts...
Gary: This is his sig. I think he came up with it during the big debate
on RAAC over 'Bitter End'.
[fic ends; we see Hiroshi and Daisuke staring at the computer screen]
Daisuke: This is cool!
[Gary looks at the screen, which is showing a picture of a sunset]
Gary: Hey, what're you guys doing?
Hiroshi: Quiet, just look at it.
Gary: What about it? It's a screen saver. What's the point?
Daisuke: When you figure it out, you won't need to do it anymore.
Gary: I don't need to do it at all, you guys. [moves the mouse] Hey,
what's this? You guys were reading another fic?
Hiroshi: Yeah. Chris Jones' "Kasumi's OTHER Little Secret".
Gary: Let me see... heh heh... yeah, that IS pretty cool! I never
suspected... Anyway, I guess that's all for this week.
Hinako: What about the address?
Daisuke: Oh yeah. Send your comments on this, and any requests for fics
you'd like to see us do, to kleppe@execpc.com . And don't forget to send
synopses of any fics you post to the list to Mark Doherty
<mdoherty@mailbox.uq.edu.au>. We'll be using Mark's list to pick fics to
do, hopefully every week. Thanks, Mark!
Gary: Until next time...
| << Previous: MSTing of Awakenings and Journeys, Prologue by Jon Farber | Hiroshi and Daisuke | Next: MSTing of Insignificant by Eric Adams >> |
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