[Scene: Gary at his computer, with Hiroshi and Daisuke.]

Gary: Hey, everybody. Welcome to another installment of Shonen Sunday
Theater 3000. I'm stuck here with these two knuckleheads in order that
we might read fanfiction and make clever commentary. You know,...

Daisuke: Uh... welcome to what?

Gary: Oh yeah. I came up with that as a title. I'm going to try to do at
least one of these every week. Hey, the Principal is calling!

[Computer screen activates and shows Principal Kuno]

Principal: AloHA! You goan finish yo' fic wit' me in it soon?

Gary: Yup! A fic starring you. Then, just like you said, you'll tell me
the way out of here.

Principal: Did I mention it got to be a serious drama?

Gary: Huh?

Principal: And absolutely NOOOOOOOO gettin' dis kahuna OOC, yeah!


Hiroshi: Hey, wasn't that the Delete key you just hit?

Daisuke: Back to the drawing board, I guess.

Principal: Too bad, keiki. Anyway, dis next fic is part 6 of
Nekooooophobia by David Eddy . Any o' you lurkers out
there needin' any previous parts, you E-mail dis brudda.

[The fic starts]

> "What are we going to do with Shampoo?" asked

Hiroshi: Wash our hair?

Gary: That's a cheap one, even for you.

> Ranma hoisted Shampoo over his shoulders. "I'll
>hit her sleep spot," he said. "That'll keep her

Gary: Since when does Ranma know shiatsu?

Daisuke: Maybe Tofu's been training him.

> Kodachi spared a contemptuous glance at her elder
>brother. "I don't see what you see in that vile tart
>you call Osage-no-onna, oniisama," she said. "Now as
>for my Ranma-sama... I haven't seen him in a long
>week! I burn to be near him!"

Daisuke: Now, some might think that she means this metaphorically...

> "I've still got to deal with that old ghoul...
>she hasn't stopped trying."
> Nodoka sighed again. "These Chinese, they have
>no honour. They're worse than burakumin, son." She

Gary: This is good, it shows the bad side to Nodoka's hard
traditionalism. Too bad there're no Chinese in the series who could
definitively prove her wrong, though.


> "Bukiii!" 'Aha! Found it!' thought Ryouga as he
>wriggled through a small hole in the fence around the

Hiroshi: I wonder how he usually gets in.

Gary: Probably about the same as this every time. We just don't usually
get to see it.

> The kami were indeed smiling on him tonight.

Daisuke: Yes, but are they laughing *with* him, or...

>Genma, the naked katana in her hand, but she had given
>up before even reaching him, and sadly announced to
>Ranma that she would do it.
> He wondered now if his father had failed some
>kind of test.

Hiroshi: Yeah; it was one of those vetenary diagnostic tests. For
ringworm, or something like that.

Daisuke: I wonder if Genma's ever *passed* any sort of test.


> Akane squeezed briefly with her hand before
>sitting up again and pulling it free from his grip.
>She reached around Ryouga to grab Ranma's hand. "But
>Ryouga... I'm afraid I love Ranma, not you. I *do*
>hope you understand that I could never love, let alone
>marry, a low-life, honourless, lying, sukebe pig such
>as yourself." Her voice dripped honey, all lovey-
>dovey. "Why don't you go and find a nice lady pig to
>make some bacon with instead?" She smiled sweetly at
>him again and waited for her words to take effect.

Daisuke: Man, that's nasty! I never thought of Ryoga as *that* bad of a

Gary: He's never slept with *you* under false pretenses.

> "But-but it's all Ranma's faul--"
> Soun held up a majestic hand, cutting Ryouga off
>in mid-word. "I disagree. It is most certainly all
>*your* fault. Even your curse... and believe that

Gary: That should be "belief that"

>be with thee tonight, for I know that your innermost
>desire is to spend thy time in my exalted company. I
>would climb any mountain, swim any sea, defeat any foe
> "Can it, Kunou-*senpai*!" said Ranma as he moved

Gary: Uh... senpai? Shouldn't it be sempai?

Daisuke: Maybe it's a play on words, making fun of Kuno's title.

Gary: OK, but what does it mean?

Hiroshi: How should we know? We're dubbed into English!

> "Do you challenge me, then, Kuonji Ukyou?"
> "I do!

Daisuke: I now pronounce you man and...

> I challenge you, before witnesses! If
>you lose, you will forever forsake any claim or desire
>to both Tendou Akane and the girl you call Osage-no-

Daisuke: Now, is Ukyo doing this to help out Ranma, or because she found
out she's not going to get Ranma and she feels the need to pound

Gary: Both?

> He remembered something that had happened
>earlier. "When you came into the dojo this afternoon,
>I was going to ask you if you wanted to go on a
>training trip. Just you and me, no distractions; we
>can train with nobody to disturb us.

[H&D break out laughing]

Gary: What's so funny, guys?

Daisuke: Come on!

Hiroshi: Those two would have to go to the *moon* to get where no one
would disturb them!

> She wondered as the tears fell, whether it would
>be necessary to have Genma commit seppuku, and why it
>was that despite all he had done, despite all his
>demonstrated faults, the thought made her heart ache.

Daisuke: Why not just sell him to a zoo?

Hiroshi: They can't sell Genma. That would be Panda-ring! Get it?

[fic ends]

Gary: So what did you think, guys?

Hiroshi: I thought it was pretty good. Everybody seems in character
enough, though some are a little extreme.

Daisuke: I didn't know this was going to be a "resolve everything"
story. It's awful convenient that everything seems to be falling into
place at the same time. Ukyo and Ryoga, while either of them may still
be threats, aren't rivals anymore. And Kodachi never really was.

Gary: It's not clear that this is going to make Tatewaki give up. He
could just go into denial and believe that his bet with Ukyo never
happened. And then there's Cologne. She could be working behind the
scenes, be the reason why everyone showed up at nearly the same time.
Though it didn't really look like it here. What do you guys think will
be next for Cologne?

Daisuke: Well, if I were Cologne, I know what I would do.

Gary: What?

Daisuke: Take a nice hot bath. Soak my feet. Say the hell with it. She's
already tried her most ambitious plot, giving Shampoo's curse to Akane,
and what did it get her? They're closer than they ever were! Not to
mention her great-granddaughter's recent problem, which is probably her
fault too. Yeah, if I were her, I'd find some nice cozy retirement home,

Gary: All right, what about you, Hiroshi?

Hiroshi: Two words: Akane. Chishuitong.

Gary: That's nasty! But it wouldn't get Ranma to marry Shampoo.

Hiroshi: So maybe the ghoul's a sore loser.

Gary: Well, I guess we'll find out as the story progresses. I guess
that's it for this week.

[Principal appears on screen]

Principal: You wen' forgot to give de address!

Gary: Oh yeah. Daisuke?

Daisuke: Write to kleppe@execpc.com . Tell us what you think, and which
fics you'd like to see us do next. They need to be Ranma fics, or ones
in some other series that Gary knows.

Hiroshi: Yeah, nothing with Sailor Moon in it, unless you want us to
spend the whole time making fun of her hairdo.

Principal: Until next time haole,