There Goes the Neighborhood Part 1: Strange Visitors
Category: Major Ranma fanfics
Posted on May 7, 2013 by Gary
(We see the familiar interior of Maison Ikkoku. We see the usual smiling face of Kyoko Otonashi. A caption reads "Maison Ikkoku. The present.")
Kyoko: I just spoke to my father-in-law. Someone has arranged to rent room 2. A young woman who recently came over from China. Her name is Liang Ye Ma. She'll be attending the University in the fall, and needs a place to stay until then.
(We see that it is Akemi, Yotsuya, and Mrs. Ichinose that she is talking to.)
Akemi: Let's hope Yusaku can keep his hot little hands off her.
Yotsuya: Indeed. A man who has been deprived for as long as he has might feel the need to take advantage of any opportunity that presents itself.
Mrs. Ichinose: A poor foriegn girl might not be able to defend herself against a guy like him.
Kyoko (visibly annoyed): Yusaku isn't like that! Anyway, this girl is supposed to be a martial artist. She can take care of herself.
Mrs. Ichinose: Okay, but she still might not be as good at saying NO as some people around here...
Kyoko: What's that supposed to mean?
Akemi (to Yotsuya): Touchy, ain't she? Why does she take everything so seriously?
Mrs. Ichinose: It's not easy being the jealous type.
Kyoko: Why would I be jealous over Yusaku? I'm a married woman. What he does is none of my business.
Yusaku: (from out of shot) Hey, Kyoko! (sticks his head in through the door) That girl you're expecting? She's here.
(Two women walk up carrying luggage and such. We see that they are Ranma Saotome [in girl form] and Akane Tendo. Ranma is in his formal dress, his 1970's style Chinese "people's jacket" and cap with star.)
Kyoko (to Ranma): Welcome to Maison Ikkoku! I'm the resident manager, Kyoko Otonashi. You must be Ms. Liang, the martial artist?
Ranma: Uh huh, pleased to meetcha. This is my friend and ... um ... sparring partner, Akane Tendo. She's helping me move.
Akane: Hello!
Kyoko: These are the other residents.
Akemi: I'm Akemi, from room 6.
Mrs. Ichinose: Ichinose, room 1.
Yotsuya: Yotsuya, room 4.
Yusaku: Yusaku Godai, room 5.
(Ranma notices how Akemi is dressed [or rather, undressed]. Akane notices him staring and discretely but noticably elbows him.)
Ranma: Tits (elbow jab!) uh, IT'S a pleasure to meet you all.
Yotsuya: We are preparing a welcome celebration in your honor this evening.
Ranma: Twat (another elbow jab!) uh, WHAT time?
Yotsuya: It will commence at six.
Ranma: Great! See you all then.
(The residents head back to their respective rooms.)
Akemi: D'you think those two are ... y'know, SPECIAL friends? I saw the way the one was staring at me, and the other looked jealous.
Yotsuya: What else would you imagine "Sparring Partner" refers to?
Mrs. Ichinose: Who knows? But if they are, it'll be more fun if we don't tell Kyoko.
(Ranma and Akane are now in room 2 by themselves.)
Ramna: Interesting group. Heh, think of all the people we know who would go nuts if they knew the two of us were alone together like this.
Akane: Just remember why you're here, Ranma.
(The scene fades into a flashback at the Tendo Dojo. A middle-aged man in a nice suit walks in. Ranma and Genma-Panda are being chased by Akane, who is carrying a pot of disgusting-looking food. Kasumi walks up to greet the man.)
Kasumi: Hello! You must be Mr. Qian who phoned earlier.
Qian: Yes, how do you do.
Akane: Come back! You haven't even tried it!
Kasumi: Father, this is Mr. Qian. He is vice-president of the Guke Pianqian company in China.
Soun: (Looking at the 50-60 year old man) Kasumi, I know that you are attracted to older men, but really...
Kasumi: Mr. Qian is not here because of me, father.
Soun: Nabiki, then. What that girl won't do for money.
Qian: Perhaps I'd better explain. I've come to ask for your help...
(The Saotomes and Tendos assemble [Genma now in human form] to speak with Qian.
Qian: Recently a serial killer has been striking in the Tokyo area. Five women so far, all Chinese women living alone, have lost their lives to this madman. The latest was my daughter, Li. She had been attending the University in Tokyo.
Soun: I'm sorry to hear that. (similar reactions from others)
Qian: Thank you. This is no ordinary killer. Take a look at these photos of some of the victims that I got from the police. (shows some photos; we do not actually see them, as the excessive blood and gore is better left to the imagination.)
Soun: My god!
Ranma: Whoa! (Similar reactions from the others.)
Qian: As you can see, the killer used some sort of blade to cut up his victims, continuing to cut them up long after they would have been dead. Some parts of their bodies also appear to have been pulverized by sheer physical force. The killer obviously had inhuman strength. The killer was also able to slip in and out of the victims'apartments, during broad daylight. There was not one report of anybody unusual seen before any of the bodies were found.
Kasumi: How dreadful! Who could have done such a thing?
Qian: This is clearly not the work of anything human. The police won't say so for the record, but they think it's some sort of monster. In fact they even found traces of some unknown organic substance at the murder scenes. Something like a cross between human body cells and fish cells, they said. They've even theorized that it might be living in the sewers and that it enters the victims' rooms through the plumbing. This is beyond my experience. I came to you because I know you have fought the supernatural before.
Ranma: No problem. I can take care of this thing right now. (He grabs the food that Akane had been trying to force on him earlier.)
Akane: Where are you going with that?
Ranma: To flush it down the toilet. If there's a creature in the sewers, this'll kill it for sure. (Akane is about to throttle him, but Genma gets to him first)
Genma: Foolish boy! Have you any idea what you're saying?!? You would pour your own fiance's cooking down the toilet? To try to kill a monster??
Ranma: Uh...
Genma: Think about it! If there is a monster in the sewers, where do you think it came from? It's obviously an accumulation from all the other times we've flushed her cooking! (Akane throws him into the pond; he gets up in panda form, surprising Qian)
Qian (Speaking out of shot while we see the others listening sympathetically): Please defeat this monster that took the life of my little girl so horribly before her time! (We hear intense crying and sobbing after this. The view pans around and we see it is not Qian who is crying, but Soun Tendo, who was sitting next to him.)
Ranma: Like I said, no problem. I mean, it's not like we haven't faced worse than this guy before. We'll beat the crap out of him, right, Pop?
Nabiki: Easier said than done, Ranma. Just how do you propose to find this killer?
Ranma: Uh, well, I dunno.
Genma: (While pouring hot water over himself; somehow he still has his clothes on) There's only one way. We'll set up a decoy. Someone who will pose as a Chinese girl and draw the killer out, giving us the chance to strike.
Ranma: Pop's favorite kind of strategy. The kind that puts somebody else in danger, not him.
Genma: I suppose you've got a better idea?
Ranma: Well, no... I guess it's the best chance we've got.
Akane: Right. You've got yourself a volunteer.
Ranma: WHAT? Are you nuts? You'll get yourself killed!
Akane: I'm not good enough, is that it Ranma?
Ranma: Akane, you can't even boil water without causing a nuclear meltdown. (sticks out tongue) Nyaaaah!
Akane: (sticks out tongue) Bleeaaah!
Kasumi: What about your friend Shampoo? She really is Chinese. Couldn't she be a possible target?
Nabiki: Yes, but think about what she'd want from Ranma in return for playing decoy for us.
Ranma: Oh yeah.
Soun: No, whoever goes has to be one of us. For the honor of the school of indiscriminate grappling style martial arts. Besides, we can't afford to share the money Mr. Qian is paying us. Our property damage insurance rates went up again last month for some reason.
Ranma: Yeah, well I feel sorry for the poor sucker who has to... (Turns into a girl as Genma hits him with cold water unexpectedly) Hey!
Genma: Thank you son, we knew we could count on you.
Qian: "Son"?
Akane: WHAT? You'll let him go but not me?
Ranma (forgetting any objections he may have had): Well, of course. You'd only get in the way. I mean, not only am I a better fighter... but if looks matter anything to this killer, I'll be a MUCH more attractive target!
(Akane starts chasing Ranma around the room with her Bokken.)
Akane: Come back here, you jerk!
Ranma: Aaaaahh! Cut it out, you uncute macho chick!
Qian: Is it usually this bad around here?
Kasumi: Oh my, no! Usually it's much worse.
Soun: They get the job done, though.
Kyoko: I just spoke to my father-in-law. Someone has arranged to rent room 2. A young woman who recently came over from China. Her name is Liang Ye Ma. She'll be attending the University in the fall, and needs a place to stay until then.
(We see that it is Akemi, Yotsuya, and Mrs. Ichinose that she is talking to.)
Akemi: Let's hope Yusaku can keep his hot little hands off her.
Yotsuya: Indeed. A man who has been deprived for as long as he has might feel the need to take advantage of any opportunity that presents itself.
Mrs. Ichinose: A poor foriegn girl might not be able to defend herself against a guy like him.
Kyoko (visibly annoyed): Yusaku isn't like that! Anyway, this girl is supposed to be a martial artist. She can take care of herself.
Mrs. Ichinose: Okay, but she still might not be as good at saying NO as some people around here...
Kyoko: What's that supposed to mean?
Akemi (to Yotsuya): Touchy, ain't she? Why does she take everything so seriously?
Mrs. Ichinose: It's not easy being the jealous type.
Kyoko: Why would I be jealous over Yusaku? I'm a married woman. What he does is none of my business.
Yusaku: (from out of shot) Hey, Kyoko! (sticks his head in through the door) That girl you're expecting? She's here.
(Two women walk up carrying luggage and such. We see that they are Ranma Saotome [in girl form] and Akane Tendo. Ranma is in his formal dress, his 1970's style Chinese "people's jacket" and cap with star.)
Kyoko (to Ranma): Welcome to Maison Ikkoku! I'm the resident manager, Kyoko Otonashi. You must be Ms. Liang, the martial artist?
Ranma: Uh huh, pleased to meetcha. This is my friend and ... um ... sparring partner, Akane Tendo. She's helping me move.
Akane: Hello!
Kyoko: These are the other residents.
Akemi: I'm Akemi, from room 6.
Mrs. Ichinose: Ichinose, room 1.
Yotsuya: Yotsuya, room 4.
Yusaku: Yusaku Godai, room 5.
(Ranma notices how Akemi is dressed [or rather, undressed]. Akane notices him staring and discretely but noticably elbows him.)
Ranma: Tits (elbow jab!) uh, IT'S a pleasure to meet you all.
Yotsuya: We are preparing a welcome celebration in your honor this evening.
Ranma: Twat (another elbow jab!) uh, WHAT time?
Yotsuya: It will commence at six.
Ranma: Great! See you all then.
(The residents head back to their respective rooms.)
Akemi: D'you think those two are ... y'know, SPECIAL friends? I saw the way the one was staring at me, and the other looked jealous.
Yotsuya: What else would you imagine "Sparring Partner" refers to?
Mrs. Ichinose: Who knows? But if they are, it'll be more fun if we don't tell Kyoko.
(Ranma and Akane are now in room 2 by themselves.)
Ramna: Interesting group. Heh, think of all the people we know who would go nuts if they knew the two of us were alone together like this.
Akane: Just remember why you're here, Ranma.
(The scene fades into a flashback at the Tendo Dojo. A middle-aged man in a nice suit walks in. Ranma and Genma-Panda are being chased by Akane, who is carrying a pot of disgusting-looking food. Kasumi walks up to greet the man.)
Kasumi: Hello! You must be Mr. Qian who phoned earlier.
Qian: Yes, how do you do.
Akane: Come back! You haven't even tried it!
Kasumi: Father, this is Mr. Qian. He is vice-president of the Guke Pianqian company in China.
Soun: (Looking at the 50-60 year old man) Kasumi, I know that you are attracted to older men, but really...
Kasumi: Mr. Qian is not here because of me, father.
Soun: Nabiki, then. What that girl won't do for money.
Qian: Perhaps I'd better explain. I've come to ask for your help...
(The Saotomes and Tendos assemble [Genma now in human form] to speak with Qian.
Qian: Recently a serial killer has been striking in the Tokyo area. Five women so far, all Chinese women living alone, have lost their lives to this madman. The latest was my daughter, Li. She had been attending the University in Tokyo.
Soun: I'm sorry to hear that. (similar reactions from others)
Qian: Thank you. This is no ordinary killer. Take a look at these photos of some of the victims that I got from the police. (shows some photos; we do not actually see them, as the excessive blood and gore is better left to the imagination.)
Soun: My god!
Ranma: Whoa! (Similar reactions from the others.)
Qian: As you can see, the killer used some sort of blade to cut up his victims, continuing to cut them up long after they would have been dead. Some parts of their bodies also appear to have been pulverized by sheer physical force. The killer obviously had inhuman strength. The killer was also able to slip in and out of the victims'apartments, during broad daylight. There was not one report of anybody unusual seen before any of the bodies were found.
Kasumi: How dreadful! Who could have done such a thing?
Qian: This is clearly not the work of anything human. The police won't say so for the record, but they think it's some sort of monster. In fact they even found traces of some unknown organic substance at the murder scenes. Something like a cross between human body cells and fish cells, they said. They've even theorized that it might be living in the sewers and that it enters the victims' rooms through the plumbing. This is beyond my experience. I came to you because I know you have fought the supernatural before.
Ranma: No problem. I can take care of this thing right now. (He grabs the food that Akane had been trying to force on him earlier.)
Akane: Where are you going with that?
Ranma: To flush it down the toilet. If there's a creature in the sewers, this'll kill it for sure. (Akane is about to throttle him, but Genma gets to him first)
Genma: Foolish boy! Have you any idea what you're saying?!? You would pour your own fiance's cooking down the toilet? To try to kill a monster??
Ranma: Uh...
Genma: Think about it! If there is a monster in the sewers, where do you think it came from? It's obviously an accumulation from all the other times we've flushed her cooking! (Akane throws him into the pond; he gets up in panda form, surprising Qian)
Qian (Speaking out of shot while we see the others listening sympathetically): Please defeat this monster that took the life of my little girl so horribly before her time! (We hear intense crying and sobbing after this. The view pans around and we see it is not Qian who is crying, but Soun Tendo, who was sitting next to him.)
Ranma: Like I said, no problem. I mean, it's not like we haven't faced worse than this guy before. We'll beat the crap out of him, right, Pop?
Nabiki: Easier said than done, Ranma. Just how do you propose to find this killer?
Ranma: Uh, well, I dunno.
Genma: (While pouring hot water over himself; somehow he still has his clothes on) There's only one way. We'll set up a decoy. Someone who will pose as a Chinese girl and draw the killer out, giving us the chance to strike.
Ranma: Pop's favorite kind of strategy. The kind that puts somebody else in danger, not him.
Genma: I suppose you've got a better idea?
Ranma: Well, no... I guess it's the best chance we've got.
Akane: Right. You've got yourself a volunteer.
Ranma: WHAT? Are you nuts? You'll get yourself killed!
Akane: I'm not good enough, is that it Ranma?
Ranma: Akane, you can't even boil water without causing a nuclear meltdown. (sticks out tongue) Nyaaaah!
Akane: (sticks out tongue) Bleeaaah!
Kasumi: What about your friend Shampoo? She really is Chinese. Couldn't she be a possible target?
Nabiki: Yes, but think about what she'd want from Ranma in return for playing decoy for us.
Ranma: Oh yeah.
Soun: No, whoever goes has to be one of us. For the honor of the school of indiscriminate grappling style martial arts. Besides, we can't afford to share the money Mr. Qian is paying us. Our property damage insurance rates went up again last month for some reason.
Ranma: Yeah, well I feel sorry for the poor sucker who has to... (Turns into a girl as Genma hits him with cold water unexpectedly) Hey!
Genma: Thank you son, we knew we could count on you.
Qian: "Son"?
Akane: WHAT? You'll let him go but not me?
Ranma (forgetting any objections he may have had): Well, of course. You'd only get in the way. I mean, not only am I a better fighter... but if looks matter anything to this killer, I'll be a MUCH more attractive target!
(Akane starts chasing Ranma around the room with her Bokken.)
Akane: Come back here, you jerk!
Ranma: Aaaaahh! Cut it out, you uncute macho chick!
Qian: Is it usually this bad around here?
Kasumi: Oh my, no! Usually it's much worse.
Soun: They get the job done, though.
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