(Back at Ikkoku, Ranma and Akane are in Ranma's room. Ranma's furnishings [what little he has] have been put in their appropriate places. Ranma and Akane are looking at a small device with a speaker on a table in the room. Ranma has already switched to informal dressing mode, still in girl form.)

Ranma: Is this the two-way radio thing that Mr. Qian paid for?

Akane: Yup. It broadcasts to another one in a nearby building. Our dads and I will take shifts sitting at the other end. If the killer comes, just yell into it and we'll be on our way.

Ranma: Akane, you've seen what this killer does to women. If he shows up, I don't want you anywhere near him until he's beaten.

Akane: So you don't trust me to take care of myself?

Ranma: Not against this thing, I don't!

Akane: I can take care of myself just as well as you can, Ranma.

Ranma: Akane, I told you, you can't even boil water.

Akane: Oh yeah? You can't touch boiling water without blowing your cover! How are you going to explain it if they see a male version of you walking around?

Ranma: Hey, I got it covered. You'll see. (Leaves the room)

Akane: Ooooohhh... Men! (she picks up the radio device and puts it right up to her mouth, like a microphone. Then she shouts very loudly) Men are ALL JERKS!!!!!!!!!!

(Cut to a small, bare room. Soun Tendo is sitting at a desk. He is wearing a pair of headphones. His eyes are wide, and he is holding his ears in pain.)


(Cut to commercial: We see a studio separated into several sets. The director's voice is heard:)

Director: Anti-teen smoking commercial, take one. Cue voice-over.

Voice-Over: The following is a public service announcement from the Tobacco Institute. We at the Tobacco Institute are concerned about raising the rate of teen smoking...

Director: Try again, bonehead.

Voice-Over: Oh, sorry. ahem We at the Tobacco Institute are concerned about the rising rate of teen smoking. Some of our friends from the world of Japanese manga are here to talk about it.

Director: Cue set one!

(Camera pans over to where we see a room set up like a child's playpen. Ten, from Urusei Yatsura, is there, with his girlfriend-wannabe Mako.)

Voice-Over: This is Ten. He's a little boy. Like all good little kids,
he doesn't smoke.

Ten: I'm a good boy. I don't smoke. I do breathe fire, though.

Director: Can we edit out that last remark... good, cue set two.

(We now pan over to a tennis court set, where Coach Mitaka is holding his tennis racket. There are several pretty young girls with him.)

Voice-Over: This is Shun Mitaka, tennis coach. He is not a kid, he is a mature adult. Just ask those girls.

Mitaka: Kids shouldn't smoke before they're old enough. Take my advice. It's okay for me to smoke because I'm mature... Actually, I don't smoke myself.

Director: Stick to the script, please. Cue set three!

(We see a high-school type classroom set. Hikaru Gosunkugi and Akane Tendo are there in their school uniforms, at opposite ends of the room.)

Voice-Over: This is Hikaru Gosunkugi; a student considered a loser or "geek" by many. The kind of kid girls like class sweetheart Akane Tendo wouldn't give a second look to. Hikaru has one thing going for him though, he has never smoked.)

Gosunkugi: (very nervously) That's right, um, if you don't smoke, you can, you can, uh, be like me...

Akane: (pissed off) That is IT!! (storms off set)

Voice-Over: So you see kids, smoking is not for little kids. Smoking: It's the mature thing to do -- Aagh! You're not supposed to be in the control booth!

Akane: All right, you! You told us this was going to be to convince teenagers NOT to smoke! (grabs director)

Mitaka: You mean...

Gosunkugi: ... it isn't?

Akane: Oh, SHUT UP!!

Gosunkugi: Akane spoke to me!

(The scene breaks into general chaos, then ends abruptly as Ten breathes fire directly into the camera. There is a brief pause, and...)


(We're back to our main feature. We see a party scene, typical for MI except that [female] Ranma and Akane are present. Mrs. Ichinose is doing a fan dance amidst several empty bottles of saki. Akane is drinking and already seems a little drunk.)

Yusaku: Why do we have to have the welcome party in MY room?

Yotsuya: Tradition.

Akemi: Your room just has good vibes for partying, y'know?


Ranma: Hey, Akane, haven't you had enough?

Akane: Mind your own bishiness! (She takes an empty Saki bottle and swings back as if to hit Ranma with it. Yusaku stops her.)


(He shows a photo of himself in male form.)

Ranma: Take a look at this picture. This is Ranma Saotome. He'll probably be around here now and again. He's my, uh, my fiance. So if you see him around my room at odd times or anything, it's OK.





(Yusaku starts fantasizing. In his fantasy he is close to Kyoko and putting a ring on her finger.)

Yusaku (dream): Kyoko, I want you to be my fiance.

Kyoko (dream): Oh, yes, darling, yes! (they embrace) I want to love you for the rest of our lives!

Yusaku (dream): Oh Kyoko!

(Back to reality: Yusaku has actually hugged Akane. She is none too pleased.)

Akane: WHAT are you DOING?

Yusaku: GYAH!!

Akemi: Hey, c'mon, the kid is dead drunk. He could'a grabbed anybody.


Mrs Ichinose: Shape up, kid. Soichiro never would've done that!

Kyoko: Leave him out of this!

Ranma: Who's Soichiro?

Yotsuya: He was the manager's husband, until he met with a tragic accident.

Ranma: Oh, that's too bad.

Akane (to Akemi): Sho you're a chemical engineer?

Akemi: Huh? Who told you a thing like that? I'm a waitress.

Akane: You did. You said you were a Chem-E[*]. Do you always walk around dreshed like this?

Akemi: Honey, I figure if you've got it, you might as well show it. After all, you never know when some rich attractive stud might come along.

Akane: I'm not interested in "studs".

Akemi: Yeah, we figured that might be the case.

Akane: Huh?

Ranma (to Yotsuya): So, um, what kind of work do you do?

Yotsuya: That is a secret.

Ranma: Hey, c'mon, it's not like I'm gonna tell anybody or nothin'.

Yotsuya: It would be bad enough if you were to know.



Akemi (to Ranma): Hey, you know, the guy in this picture looks just like you.

Ranma (smiles and tries to show a look of feminine modesty): Oh, heh, you really think so?

Yotsuya: It is said that married couples eventually come to look alike after many years of marriage.

Ranma: I ain't married yet, y'know.

Yotsuya: Perhaps one day our lovely manager may come to resemble her dear Soichiro.

Yusaku: That's not funny!

Mrs. Ichinose: You mean she's gonna grow fur and go woof woof all the time?

Yusaku: Cut it out, will you?

Ranma: Huh?

Akemi: So how's about showing us some of your martial arts?

Yusaku: HEY! This is my room! I don't want any rough stuff here!

Yotsuya: Do not fear, young Godai. I will bring a pair of concrete blocks from my room. The young ladies may demonstrate their skill by demolishing them.

Yusaku: I just know that I'm gonna regret agreeing to anything... but I guess that would be safe. And just WHY do you have concrete blocks in your room anyway?

Yotsuya: That is none of your concern.

(Akane sets up to break a block.)

Ranma: Akane, I think you've had enough to drink. Let's call your dad and get you home.

Akane: SHTOP treating me like some kind of INVALID!

(Akane mentally flashes back to what Ranma said before:)

Ranma (flashback): You'd only get in the way... You can't even boil water.


(Akane strikes, there is a large CRASH!)

Akane: JERK!!

(We see the MI people looking into some sort of hole.)

Kyoko: Um... are you two OK?

Yotsuya: Shall we summon medical assistance?

Yusaku: I knew it...

(We see the block sitting where it was, undamaged. We then see Akane and Ranma, sprawled on the floor of the room below [Ranma's room]. Akane has missed the block entirely and instead broken through the floor of Yusaku's room, taking Ranma with her. There is now a big hole in Yusaku's floor/Ranma's ceiling.)

Akane: So I mished the block. Sho what? (Immediately passes out on Ranma's floor)

Ranma: I think we better call it a night.

Yusaku: Why me?