A Ranma 1/2 spamfic
by Gary Kleppe

The characters of Ranma 1/2 are the creation of and rightful property of Rumiko Takahashi. They are used here without permission. This story may be freely redistributed, but it should not be altered substantially or used for profit in any way.

"Now, who would like some tea?"

Hands went up in unison from the crowd of women sitting on the Tendo living room floor.

"Oh dear, I'll have to look for some more cups. We don't usually have this many guests at one time." Kasumi vanished into the kitchen.

"Why'd Ran-chan ask us all to come?" Ukyo asked Akane, who responded with a shrug.

Abruptly, the outside door slid open, and Ranma stepped in.

"Um, hey, everybody. Thanks for all showin' up. What I got to say is really important, so I'm sure you all...."

"Tea!" Kasumi reappeared and began to dispense cups from a serving tray.

"Ah, what an exquisitely refreshing beverage."

"Mmmm. Kasumi tea always number one good!"

"You said it. Say, could I bother you for a little lemon in this, sugar?"

"Um, excuse me...." Ranma cleared his throat noisily. "I was, y'know, kind of like talking here...."

"Oh, go ahead, Ranma darling. We don't mind."

"Sure, Ran-chan. Kasumi, I asked for lemon, not...."

Ranma went on talking, despite the sneaking suspicion that no one was listening. "I asked you all to show up today because I've made... a decision."

Heads turned. The room fell silent, but only for a moment.

"A decision?"

"You mean...."

"... really?"

"Now, I know this is going to be as difficult for you as it was for me," Ranma said. "Akane... Nabiki... Kasumi... Kodachi... Xian Pu...."



"Name not Xian. Name Shan. Why so hard for everyone get right?"

"Um, whatever." He scratched the back of his head. "Anyhow, like I said, I've made a decision. Some of you ain't gonna like it, but that's the way it is, and this decision is final, no changes, that's that."

Ukyo cheered inwardly. At last, she thought, Ran-chan was going to break away from that idiot father of his, and marry her. All his life, that stupid panda had been making all his choices for him, planning his entire life without ever asking or even caring how he felt. Now Ranma would marry her, and they'd open up an okonomiyaki shop and have three children, and....

Shan Pu smiled. She'd always known Ranma would choose her in the end. He was that rarest and most prized of males, the kind who had the strength and courage to be true to himself no matter what others said. Oh, what a happy life they would have together, once they moved back to the Amazon village and she taught him his proper role as a male.

Kodachi suppressed a smirk. Ranma was finally realizing the truth, that she was a far better choice than those others. How delightful. He'd finally come to his senses and now saw things clearly, and without even the need for drug therapy.

Akane grumbled to herself. As if she cared who Ranma chose. He could go marry the dog next door, for all she cared. Looking down, she noticed the mangled hunk of tin in her hand. Oh well, it was just an old spare cup anyway.

All eyes fixed on Ranma as he began to speak again. "Right, then. Here we go. Nabiki, I want you..."

"Why, Ranma!" Nabiki batted her eyelashes in an exaggerated display of coquettishness. "This is so sudden! Of course, you know I could never love a man who doesn't let me rent him out by the hour."

"... to announce my decision to everybody else." Ranma handed her an envelope.

"Oh," she said. "Sure, why not." She tore open the envelope and extracted a folded piece of notebook paper. "'My decision, by Ranma Saotome. I, Ranma Saotome, hereby make this decision, which is totally final and can't be changed.'" She scanned the paper intently, trying to decipher Ranma's handwriting. "'My... decision is...'"

Everyone turned toward her with breathless anticipation.

"'My decision is that I prefer the creamy smooth kind of peanut butter.' Signed, 'Ranma Saotome.'" Nabiki folded the paper and inserted it back into the envelope.

The room fell silent. But only for a moment.


A mangled blob lay on the floor of the Tendo living room. It struggled to raise its head, and it spoke.

"Then again, chunky peanut butter's pretty good too...."