The girl sat on the couch and waited.

She had been there for hours, perhaps minutes. The girl did not know how much time had passed. Nor did she care. In her mind there was only one thought.

(This sucks. Ain't they got nothin' to eat in this dump?)

A skinny teenaged boy came over to the couch. "How are you today? I'm Doctor Moroboshi. I hear you have amnesia. Have you ever had it before? Never mind, don't answer that."

The girl tried to think. "I remember running around outside last night in the rain... before that, nothing. I don't know where I'm from, or what I did, or even what my favorite teams in sports are. I'm pretty sure I don't like the taste of Spam, though."

"Well, that narrows down who you might be. When you were brought here, you said 'Damn, my head hurts' a couple of times. Do you think that could be your name?"

"Don't know. Could be. It gives me... a weird feeling... like it's a true statement."

The girl looked at the doctor. He appeared to be nothing more than a teenage boy, wearing a simple T-shirt and jeans. His examination room seemed to have no medical equipment whatsoever; from all appearances it was an ordinary living room.

There was only one explanation. This doctor worked for an HMO.

Doctor Moroboshi moved onto the couch, close enough to make the girl uncomfortable. "Look, Damn, I'll have to be honest with you here. You might think that this amnesia stuff is caused by something simple, like your drinking one of Urd's potions by mistake. No, I'm afraid you seem to have suffered a massive emotional trauma, the kind of thing that happens when a guy gets dumped by a chick that he likes."

"I'm going to apply a series of whaddayacallit, stimulus." He slid his hands around her waist. "Tell me if this makes you remember anything."

Nothing. The girl experienced a feeling of angst and depression, like being in a deathfic. Obviously they had kicked her out from wherever she was from; but couldn't they have let her keep her memories? She was pretty sure she had known the locations of some good restaurants.

"How about this?" The doctor put his hands on the girl's breasts and started to fondle them.

"Aaaaa!!!! Cut that out, you stupid pervert!! I remember already! I'm a guy!!! And tell that to the narrator too!!" The girl -- er, guy -- punted Moroboshi across the room.


SCENE: Urd, Kyosuke, and Mamoru watch through a crack in the kitchen door. Suddenly Ataru bursts through, chased by an angry onna-Ranma. They run past the camera and out of view.

URD: I could've just given Ranma the antidote for that potion. Not much of a doctor, is he?

KYOSUKE: Well, he did cure Ranma's amnesia, so he must have had something.

MAMORU: Maybe it was his bedside manner? There aren't any HMOs in Japan, by the way.

KYOSUKE: It's just a parody, you should really just relax.


(Thanx to Dave Eddy for pre-reading.)