There Goes the Neighborhood Part 7: Doomed
Category: Major Ranma fanfics
Posted on May 8, 2013 by Gary
(Back at Ikkoku, Akane is cooking while Ranma, now in girl form, looks on. Akane seems contented.)
Akane: There, it's finished! Just let it simmer for a moment.
Ranma:
(Above, Yusaku is in his room with Yotsuya. The hole in the floor has been covered by a piece of plywood, the repair job obviously unfinished.)
Yotsuya: Should you not be at the tennis courts, cheering your stalwart champion to victory?
Yusaku: The match isn't until 2. Shouldn't you be in your own room?
Yotsuya: Until 2, you say. And in the meantime, the lovely young ladies seem to be fixing an elegant repast.
Yusaku: Don't even think about it. Liang told me she was going to make sure that this time you weren't going to get any of her meal. I need to go make a phone call. When I get back I want you out of my room!
(Yusaku goes downstairs to Kyoko's room.)
Yusaku: Mind if I use your phone? Liang is expecting a call on the house phone.
Kyoko: OK, help yourself. I need to run down to the laundromat.
Yusaku: Thanks.
(He goes into her room and dials. The house phone starts ringing. Mrs. Ichinose comes out and answers it.)
Ichinose: Hello, Maison Ikkoku.
Yusaku: Ahem... (disguising his voice) I would like to speak with Ms. Liang, please.
Ichinose (shouting): MS. LIANG! TELEPHONE!
(Ranma comes out of his room, pulling Akane along.)
Ranma: Come on, Akane, this might be somebody who spotted the killer!
Ichinose: I think it's Yusaku.
Ranma: Don't be ridiculous. (picking up phone) Hello? Yes... Yes... Yes...
(Meanwhile Yotsuya moves the plywood on Yusaku's floor and notices the empty apartment and unguarded food below.)
Ranma: ... yes ... yes ...
Akane: Hurry up! The food is going to get cold!
Ranma: ... yes ... yes ... no ... no, I'm sorry, sir, but I'm just not interested in renter's insurance.
Akane: Couldn't you have told him that five minutes ago?!?
Ichinose: I could have sworn that was Yusaku's voice.
Ranma: Yes ... no ... no, I'm sorry, goodbye.
(Akane and Ranma get back to Ranma's apartment just in time to see Yotsuya coming out the door.)
Ranma: Why, Mr. Yotsuya! You didn't sneak into my room when I was on the phone and eat our food, did you?
Yotsuya: I will have my revenge for this. (Walks away.)
Akane: You steal MY food and YOU talk about revenge? (Looks for something to throw at him, but finds nothing) Ooooooooohhh!!
(Yusaku comes from Kyoko's room and almost runs into Akane steaming with rage. This makes him pretty nervous, but he slips past.)
Ranma: Chill out, Akane. There's nothing we can do about it now. Let me wash the dishes, then I'll take you out to lunch.
(A little later, Ranma and Akane are headed out, when Yusaku comes down the stairs.)
Ranma: I'm taking my bath stuff. I'll need to use the bathhouse after the game.
Akane: You were going to try my cooking. Thank you.
Ranma: Don't mention it. I mean, it's the least I could do.
Yusaku: Hey, your plan worked.
Akane: Plan? (Ranma, behind Akane, tries to signal Yusaku to keep quiet, but Yusaku doesn't get it)
Yusaku: Yotsuya is in a lot of pain. I don't know what you put in that food, but tricking him into eating it like that was a great way to pay him back for last night.
Akane: So THAT's why you wanted me to cook today! (Gets really angry)
(Outside, Kyoko is coming in carrying a laundry basket full of clothes. Girl-Ranma runs out followed by angry Akane with mallet in hand.)
Kyoko: Off to the tennis courts?
Ranma: I wasn't planning to get there this quickly! ...
(Later, Ranma [male] is playing against Mitaka on the tennis courts. The bartender from the Chachamaru [Akemi's boss] is refereeing the game.)
Referee: Set point!
(Ranma serves, hitting the ball easily around Mitaka to score the point.)
Referee: Set to Ranma! That ties it up, folks. The next set will be the tiebreaker.
(The combatants take a rest and drink water. Akane, Shampoo, Yusaku, Kyoko, and Mrs. Ichinose watch from the sidelines.)
Akane: You see? Ranma isn't going to lose! Now that he's used to the game, Mitaka can't beat him. He may have started slow, but that was because he hadn't played much tennis before.
Yusaku: And your beating the crap out of him before the game didn't help.
Akane: Who asked you??
Shampoo: Aiyaa, it's true, Mitaka going to lose. (She goes over to the court.) Shampoo have question. What happen if one of competitors get injured so no can keep playing?
Referee: Well, I guess he would lose, although maybe somebody else could take his place.
Shampoo: OK, just in case, Shampoo volunteer to replace Mr. Mitaka in game if he get injured.
Referee: Fine, but I don't think that's all that likely to happen. Serious injuries in tennis are relatively uncommon, and ...
(Shampoo grabs Mitaka by the legs and slams him into the court hard.)
Shampoo: He injured. I take over.
Ranma: Hey! Whattaya call this! Me and this jerk were supposed to finish this game!
Shampoo: Mitaka no can win against Ranma. Shampoo win, then you have to give kiss!
Ranma: You, win against me? No way!
Kyoko: I hope Shun isn't hurt.
Referee: Let's just finish this before there are any more injuries, shall we?
(The game starts again between Ranma and Shampoo, as Mitaka is carried off.)
(Meanwhile, we cut back to Ikkoku, where Kentaro is just arriving.)
Kentaro: Mom! I'm home!
Akemi: Hi, kid. Your mom's not here. She went with the manager to watch the tennis game. Mr. Yotsuya's headed down there pretty soon, you can go with him if you want.
Kentaro: Nah. Hey, as long as you're here and my mom isn't, maybe I can ask you something. You might think this is pretty weird, but I hope you won't laugh or tell anyone.
Akemi: Would I do that? What's on your mind, kiddo?
Kentaro: Do you know anything about adoption?
Akemi: You mean getting a kid without going through the fun part first? Why would I wanna do that?
Kentaro: Not for you, I'm talking about me!
Akemi: You're already a kid! What're you gonna adopt, an embryo?
Kentaro: No, not like that. I want to do it the other way around. I want to change mothers.
Akemi: HA HA! That's the craziest thing I ever heard! HA! Hey, Yotsuya! Listen to this! (runs off)
Kentaro: ...I hate her...
(Later, Yotsuya has arrived at the tennis courts.)
Yusaku: Ah, Yotsuya. I was beginning to think you wouldn't make it here at all.
Yotsuya: It was difficult, after being nearly poisoned to death.
Akane: Did I ASK you to steal my food?!?
Shampoo: Ranma, I have secret to tell you. Shampoo pregnant with your child.
Ranma (poker-faced): Forget it. You're not gonna make me face-fault again!
Yotsuya: The waitress from the cat cafe has taken Mr. Mitaka's position in the competition?
Ichinose: Yeah, and she's doing pretty well so far. The match is tied, but one more point will win it for her. 'course, two more points and that guy Ranma is the winner. At least that's what Kyoko said. Not like I know anything about this game.
Yusaku: Don't you go to tennis class every week? What do you do there, just gossip?
Ichinose: I involve myself in a meaningful exchange of information.
Yusaku: Gossip.
Shampoo: Mr. Yotsuya! Shampoo want talk with you.
Ranma: We're in the middle of a game! Serve already!
Shampoo: This just take second. (Speaks with Yotsuya in a low whisper) Shampoo need you help her win.
Yotsuya: My dear lady, I am at your disposal... provided that there will be a free meal in it for me later, of course. (More whispering goes on that we can't hear.)
Ranma: C'mon! (Drinks from his water bottle)
(Mitaka returns, looking bruised. Shampoo gets ready to serve.)
Shampoo: This MY special slow ball technique. (She hits the ball WAY up in the air)
Ranma: Hey, that's gonna be EASY to return. (He gets to the right spot and waits. Yotsuya comes up with a water bottle in hand and screws the top off. Ranma notices this.) HEY! You pour that on me and I'll make you regret it, pal. Anywhere but on me, got it?
Yotsuya: As you wish. (He pours it on Shampoo instead, who goes into cat form. Ranma panics, as the ball bounces in his court.)
Referee: Ahem, there is no rule which forbids a player turning into a cat on the court. Match point for Shampoo. Shampoo is the winner!
(Mitaka looks happy. Yusaku doesn't.)
Ranma: Hey! You cheated!
Yotsuya: (pondering the girl-to-cat transformation he just saw) Most remarkable. And this hot water should reverse it...? (Pours hot water on cat)
Yusaku: <That's it! I'm doomed. Kyoko...>
Mitaka: According to the terms of the bet, this means a certain rival of mine will have to call it quits.
Shampoo (now back in human form): Now Ranma, you kiss your Shampoo like you promise!
Ranma: OK, a promise is a promise.
Akane: What?!?
Kyoko: Shun, is this really what you want?
Mitaka: It sure is.
(Ranma goes over to his bath things. He takes out his bottle of shampoo, and plants a big kiss on the bottle.)
Ranma: I promised to kiss my shampoo, right?
Shampoo: Oooohh... YOU TRICK ME, RANMA!!
Kyoko: I had no idea. I always thought... well, if this is what you want, I wish you the best. I hope that Ranma isn't too disappointed, but he probably deserves this for being in this kind of barbaric competition in the first place.
Mitaka: Huh? What do you mean?
Ranma (from out of shot): Hey, wait a minute! What are you doing? No, stop! (there is the sound of water splashing)
Kyoko: Now that you've won the woman you really want, I hope the two of you will be happy together.
Mitaka: The two of ... ?
(Ranma is screaming from out of shot.)
Kyoko: You and Ms. Liang! I had thought that you were interested in me, but...
Mitaka: But... that's not... I mean...
(Ranma runs by. Shampoo in cat form is hanging on him.)
Ranma: Get offa me! HELP!!!!!!!
Yusaku: Hey, congratulations! I guess this means you're giving up on Kyoko, doesn't it? Of course, she would never want a guy who would fight over a woman like a caveman would, would she?
Mitaka: I... I...
Ichinose: He's starting to stutter.
Yotsuya: Perhaps he has sustained a head injury?
Mitaka: <I'm doomed...>
Akane: There, it's finished! Just let it simmer for a moment.
Ranma:
(Above, Yusaku is in his room with Yotsuya. The hole in the floor has been covered by a piece of plywood, the repair job obviously unfinished.)
Yotsuya: Should you not be at the tennis courts, cheering your stalwart champion to victory?
Yusaku: The match isn't until 2. Shouldn't you be in your own room?
Yotsuya: Until 2, you say. And in the meantime, the lovely young ladies seem to be fixing an elegant repast.
Yusaku: Don't even think about it. Liang told me she was going to make sure that this time you weren't going to get any of her meal. I need to go make a phone call. When I get back I want you out of my room!
(Yusaku goes downstairs to Kyoko's room.)
Yusaku: Mind if I use your phone? Liang is expecting a call on the house phone.
Kyoko: OK, help yourself. I need to run down to the laundromat.
Yusaku: Thanks.
(He goes into her room and dials. The house phone starts ringing. Mrs. Ichinose comes out and answers it.)
Ichinose: Hello, Maison Ikkoku.
Yusaku: Ahem... (disguising his voice) I would like to speak with Ms. Liang, please.
Ichinose (shouting): MS. LIANG! TELEPHONE!
(Ranma comes out of his room, pulling Akane along.)
Ranma: Come on, Akane, this might be somebody who spotted the killer!
Ichinose: I think it's Yusaku.
Ranma: Don't be ridiculous. (picking up phone) Hello? Yes... Yes... Yes...
(Meanwhile Yotsuya moves the plywood on Yusaku's floor and notices the empty apartment and unguarded food below.)
Ranma: ... yes ... yes ...
Akane: Hurry up! The food is going to get cold!
Ranma: ... yes ... yes ... no ... no, I'm sorry, sir, but I'm just not interested in renter's insurance.
Akane: Couldn't you have told him that five minutes ago?!?
Ichinose: I could have sworn that was Yusaku's voice.
Ranma: Yes ... no ... no, I'm sorry, goodbye.
(Akane and Ranma get back to Ranma's apartment just in time to see Yotsuya coming out the door.)
Ranma: Why, Mr. Yotsuya! You didn't sneak into my room when I was on the phone and eat our food, did you?
Yotsuya: I will have my revenge for this. (Walks away.)
Akane: You steal MY food and YOU talk about revenge? (Looks for something to throw at him, but finds nothing) Ooooooooohhh!!
(Yusaku comes from Kyoko's room and almost runs into Akane steaming with rage. This makes him pretty nervous, but he slips past.)
Ranma: Chill out, Akane. There's nothing we can do about it now. Let me wash the dishes, then I'll take you out to lunch.
(A little later, Ranma and Akane are headed out, when Yusaku comes down the stairs.)
Ranma: I'm taking my bath stuff. I'll need to use the bathhouse after the game.
Akane: You were going to try my cooking. Thank you.
Ranma: Don't mention it. I mean, it's the least I could do.
Yusaku: Hey, your plan worked.
Akane: Plan? (Ranma, behind Akane, tries to signal Yusaku to keep quiet, but Yusaku doesn't get it)
Yusaku: Yotsuya is in a lot of pain. I don't know what you put in that food, but tricking him into eating it like that was a great way to pay him back for last night.
Akane: So THAT's why you wanted me to cook today! (Gets really angry)
(Outside, Kyoko is coming in carrying a laundry basket full of clothes. Girl-Ranma runs out followed by angry Akane with mallet in hand.)
Kyoko: Off to the tennis courts?
Ranma: I wasn't planning to get there this quickly! ...
(Later, Ranma [male] is playing against Mitaka on the tennis courts. The bartender from the Chachamaru [Akemi's boss] is refereeing the game.)
Referee: Set point!
(Ranma serves, hitting the ball easily around Mitaka to score the point.)
Referee: Set to Ranma! That ties it up, folks. The next set will be the tiebreaker.
(The combatants take a rest and drink water. Akane, Shampoo, Yusaku, Kyoko, and Mrs. Ichinose watch from the sidelines.)
Akane: You see? Ranma isn't going to lose! Now that he's used to the game, Mitaka can't beat him. He may have started slow, but that was because he hadn't played much tennis before.
Yusaku: And your beating the crap out of him before the game didn't help.
Akane: Who asked you??
Shampoo: Aiyaa, it's true, Mitaka going to lose. (She goes over to the court.) Shampoo have question. What happen if one of competitors get injured so no can keep playing?
Referee: Well, I guess he would lose, although maybe somebody else could take his place.
Shampoo: OK, just in case, Shampoo volunteer to replace Mr. Mitaka in game if he get injured.
Referee: Fine, but I don't think that's all that likely to happen. Serious injuries in tennis are relatively uncommon, and ...
(Shampoo grabs Mitaka by the legs and slams him into the court hard.)
Shampoo: He injured. I take over.
Ranma: Hey! Whattaya call this! Me and this jerk were supposed to finish this game!
Shampoo: Mitaka no can win against Ranma. Shampoo win, then you have to give kiss!
Ranma: You, win against me? No way!
Kyoko: I hope Shun isn't hurt.
Referee: Let's just finish this before there are any more injuries, shall we?
(The game starts again between Ranma and Shampoo, as Mitaka is carried off.)
(Meanwhile, we cut back to Ikkoku, where Kentaro is just arriving.)
Kentaro: Mom! I'm home!
Akemi: Hi, kid. Your mom's not here. She went with the manager to watch the tennis game. Mr. Yotsuya's headed down there pretty soon, you can go with him if you want.
Kentaro: Nah. Hey, as long as you're here and my mom isn't, maybe I can ask you something. You might think this is pretty weird, but I hope you won't laugh or tell anyone.
Akemi: Would I do that? What's on your mind, kiddo?
Kentaro: Do you know anything about adoption?
Akemi: You mean getting a kid without going through the fun part first? Why would I wanna do that?
Kentaro: Not for you, I'm talking about me!
Akemi: You're already a kid! What're you gonna adopt, an embryo?
Kentaro: No, not like that. I want to do it the other way around. I want to change mothers.
Akemi: HA HA! That's the craziest thing I ever heard! HA! Hey, Yotsuya! Listen to this! (runs off)
Kentaro: ...I hate her...
(Later, Yotsuya has arrived at the tennis courts.)
Yusaku: Ah, Yotsuya. I was beginning to think you wouldn't make it here at all.
Yotsuya: It was difficult, after being nearly poisoned to death.
Akane: Did I ASK you to steal my food?!?
Shampoo: Ranma, I have secret to tell you. Shampoo pregnant with your child.
Ranma (poker-faced): Forget it. You're not gonna make me face-fault again!
Yotsuya: The waitress from the cat cafe has taken Mr. Mitaka's position in the competition?
Ichinose: Yeah, and she's doing pretty well so far. The match is tied, but one more point will win it for her. 'course, two more points and that guy Ranma is the winner. At least that's what Kyoko said. Not like I know anything about this game.
Yusaku: Don't you go to tennis class every week? What do you do there, just gossip?
Ichinose: I involve myself in a meaningful exchange of information.
Yusaku: Gossip.
Shampoo: Mr. Yotsuya! Shampoo want talk with you.
Ranma: We're in the middle of a game! Serve already!
Shampoo: This just take second. (Speaks with Yotsuya in a low whisper) Shampoo need you help her win.
Yotsuya: My dear lady, I am at your disposal... provided that there will be a free meal in it for me later, of course. (More whispering goes on that we can't hear.)
Ranma: C'mon! (Drinks from his water bottle)
(Mitaka returns, looking bruised. Shampoo gets ready to serve.)
Shampoo: This MY special slow ball technique. (She hits the ball WAY up in the air)
Ranma: Hey, that's gonna be EASY to return. (He gets to the right spot and waits. Yotsuya comes up with a water bottle in hand and screws the top off. Ranma notices this.) HEY! You pour that on me and I'll make you regret it, pal. Anywhere but on me, got it?
Yotsuya: As you wish. (He pours it on Shampoo instead, who goes into cat form. Ranma panics, as the ball bounces in his court.)
Referee: Ahem, there is no rule which forbids a player turning into a cat on the court. Match point for Shampoo. Shampoo is the winner!
(Mitaka looks happy. Yusaku doesn't.)
Ranma: Hey! You cheated!
Yotsuya: (pondering the girl-to-cat transformation he just saw) Most remarkable. And this hot water should reverse it...? (Pours hot water on cat)
Yusaku: <That's it! I'm doomed. Kyoko...>
Mitaka: According to the terms of the bet, this means a certain rival of mine will have to call it quits.
Shampoo (now back in human form): Now Ranma, you kiss your Shampoo like you promise!
Ranma: OK, a promise is a promise.
Akane: What?!?
Kyoko: Shun, is this really what you want?
Mitaka: It sure is.
(Ranma goes over to his bath things. He takes out his bottle of shampoo, and plants a big kiss on the bottle.)
Ranma: I promised to kiss my shampoo, right?
Shampoo: Oooohh... YOU TRICK ME, RANMA!!
Kyoko: I had no idea. I always thought... well, if this is what you want, I wish you the best. I hope that Ranma isn't too disappointed, but he probably deserves this for being in this kind of barbaric competition in the first place.
Mitaka: Huh? What do you mean?
Ranma (from out of shot): Hey, wait a minute! What are you doing? No, stop! (there is the sound of water splashing)
Kyoko: Now that you've won the woman you really want, I hope the two of you will be happy together.
Mitaka: The two of ... ?
(Ranma is screaming from out of shot.)
Kyoko: You and Ms. Liang! I had thought that you were interested in me, but...
Mitaka: But... that's not... I mean...
(Ranma runs by. Shampoo in cat form is hanging on him.)
Ranma: Get offa me! HELP!!!!!!!
Yusaku: Hey, congratulations! I guess this means you're giving up on Kyoko, doesn't it? Of course, she would never want a guy who would fight over a woman like a caveman would, would she?
Mitaka: I... I...
Ichinose: He's starting to stutter.
Yotsuya: Perhaps he has sustained a head injury?
Mitaka: <I'm doomed...>
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