(After getting home quite late at night, Ranma is trying to sleep.)

Ranma: <Geez, what an obnoxious bunch... >

(He drifts off, until loud banging sounds from above wake him up. He looks above to see that repairmen are working on the hole between Yusaku's room and his. We also see that Yusaku is sitting up, still in shock from what happened last night.)

Repairman (to his assistant): Hand me my saw. No, not that, that's a hammer.

Ranma: Can't you do that later, or something?

Repairman: 'fraid not. We got two other jobs to get to today after this. (to Yusaku) Hope you don't mind, pal. (to assistant) No, a saw! A saw! That's a flashlight.

Yusaku: No dream. Slap! Married woman. Hello.

Repairman: Rough night last night, pal?

Yusaku: Kiss. No kiss. Who knew? No knew. Slap! (staggers out of room)

Repairman: (looking at Yusaku) That guy's got to be the most out-of-it person in the world. No! That's a screwdriver! Well maybe second most...

(The sleepy-eyed Ranma goes into the bathroom, where Yusaku and Akemi are brushing their teeth. Ranma starts to do same. Yusaku looks at Ranma and spits out the rinse water he had in his mouth in shock. Ranma suddenly realizes that it's because he's shirtless and in girl form.)

Yusaku: Uh... your chest...

Ranma: <Oh shit, I didn't even think about that...>

Akemi: Actually, it IS kind of hot today...

(Akemi suddenly removes her top so that she is bare-chested as well. Ranma spits out his toothpaste in surprise. Then Kyoko walks in. Ranma grabs a towel to cover up his breasts.)

Kyoko: Mrs. Ichinose told me about the little contest you all agreed to last night. Honestly, I can't believe people would do such a thing in this day and age. It's barbaric! It's... it's caveman behavior!

Yusaku: Well, it really wasn't my idea. I was pretty drunk at the time...

Kyoko (to Ranma): I can't believe YOU are going along with this!

Ranma: Well, I am a martial artist, and I have actually seen people try to do this kind of thing lots of times before...

Yusaku: Actually, I'm quite sure that it was Mitaka's idea...

Kyoko: I am surprised. Well, if this is what Mr. Mitaka wants, far be it from me to stand in his way.

Yusaku: Huh? You mean that if he wins, you'll...

Kyoko: As far as I'm concerned, if Mr. Mitaka wins his little caveman battle, he can take his prize and do what he wants with it.

(She walks out, grumbling, followed by Akemi)

Yusaku (to Ranma): You better win, pal. My whole life is now riding on this.

Ranma: Hey, no sweat. How good can that guy be? And besides, this whole thing is just going to make Mitaka look like a jerk. Kyoko must be able to see what a jerk that guy is. She's pretty perceptive, isn't she?

(pause while Yusaku considers this)

Kyoko (voice from out of shot): Akemi! You're bare-chested! Put some clothes on!

Yusaku: ... I'm doomed ...

(Cut to Tendo dojo.)

Kasumi: Father, you asked for a meeting of all of your martial arts students here this morning?

Soun: I did.

Kasumi: He's here. (Kentaro enters)

Nabiki: You sure you're cut out for this, kid?

Kentaro: How hard can it be? I'm just going to start with the basics.

Kasumi: Really, Nabiki. Kentaro here is going to do just fine. Stop trying to scare him. He'll be a fine young martial artist.

Nabiki: A "martial artist", is he. You have no idea. Why, I bet I won't be outside five minutes before I hear the sound of a martial artist boo-hooing and crying his eyes out.

Kentaro: No way. It couldn't be that bad. I'll bet you 200 Yen you're wrong.

Nabiki: You're on. (Nabiki and Kasumi exit the practice area. Kentaro goes over to Soun.)

Soun: So, young man. I'm Soun Tendo. You want to learn some martial arts.

Kentaro: Yeah. I don't know what you charge, but as long as it's not too much my mom will pay it to get me out of the house. I'm gonna try to get Ikuko to sign up too.

Soun: Let's start with a few basic exercises. (He goes through some simple movements, and Kentaro does his best to follow along.) A young person ought to be able to protect himself and the ones he cares about, in this day and age especially. You may have heard that there's a killer on the loose who's already killed four young ladies.

Kentaro: Yeah, I read about that in the paper. That's scary.

Soun: It is. I have three daughters. Every time I hear about an insane killer like this, I have to worry about my girls.

Kentaro: Isn't one of your girls the one who punched a hole all the way through Mr. Godai's floor?

Soun: Well, yes, but Akane is a special case. I don't worry too much over her getting killed. I worry over her killing someone else. But Kasumi and Nabiki might not be able to protect themselves against this killer. The thought of him getting his hands on one of them is just too horrible for words. Poor little Kasumi and Nabiki! In the hands of an insane killer... SOB boo hoo hoo I can't stand to think about it boo hoo hoo...

Kentaro: Geez, c'mon Mr. Tendo, get a grip.

(Nabiki re-enters, followed by Kasumi.)

Nabiki: Pay up, kid.

Kentaro: But... hey, that's not fair!

Kasumi: It's really not right to take advantage of Kentaro this way, Nabiki!

Nabiki: This too is part of training.

(Kentaro gives her the 200 Yen. Soun faints.)

(Cut to Cat Cafe. Shampoo is cleaning up after breakfast. There are only one or two customers left. She pauses as she senses that someone is watching her from the shadows.)

Shampoo: You! What you doing?

(She slowly inches over to the counter and picks up a frying pan without looking, keeping her eye on the shadowy figure. She expertly swings the pan around and smacks the figure in the head. We see that the figure is Mousse.)

Mousse: Ah... just checking back here to see if anything needs repair work.

Shampoo: You lie! Shampoo told you not to spy on her!

Mousse: I just wanted to watch you while you work. I love you, Shampoo! I'm loyal to you, not like that womanizer Saotome! Why, I'd never even look at another woman!

(Shampoo turns him around to face her instead of the female customer he just said all that to.)

Shampoo: Mousse, I tell you before not to insult Ranma. You do again, I have to hurt you. Set up for lunch crowd, I go meet Ranma on tennis court. If Ranma lose, Shampoo get kiss from Ranma!

Mousse: Shampoo, please stay here with me. I can make you happy. Saotome will only break your heart. He'll take your love, break your heart, then cast you aside as he goes on to his next conquest. He's no good for you, Shampoo! He's an unprincipled lecherous... (Mousse realizes he's done what he was told not to do. He backs up, expecting to get pounded. But Shampoo is calm.)

Shampoo: Mousse, side wall needs repair. Call repairmen to get fixed before Great Grandmother back.

Mousse: The side wall? What's wrong with it.

Shampoo: There big hole in it need to be fixed.

Mousse (puts glasses on, looks to where Shampoo was pointing): Huh? I don't see any hole.

(Shampoo punches Mousse through the side wall, making a hole.)

Mousse (feebly): ... I'll get right on it ...

(Back to Tendo dojo. Dr. Tofu is having a look at Soun. Nabiki stands nearby, embarrassed. Kasumi and Kentaro are at the dining table (where Kasumi is not in Tofu's line of sight, lucky for Soun). Kentaro is eating some food and drinking lemonade.)

Tofu: He'll be all right. He's just had a little too much stress.

Nabiki: Stress. Yeah right. You're pathetic, daddy.

Kentaro: Thank you for the food, Miss Kasumi!

Kasumi: You're welcome. Would you like something from the fruit bowl to finish with?

Kentaro: Sure! Let's see, you've got oranges, apples, grapes... is this a lemon?

Kasumi: Goodness, no. Just an ordinary fanfic.

Tofu: I'm going to use a new shiatsu technique to help you relax. (Rolls Soun up on his side) This is a new point called the Placebo Point. (He pokes Soun's back in some random spot, and Soun seems to relax) There you are, I told you it would help.

Kasumi: I'd better walk you to the train station. Your mother will be getting worried.

Kentaro: She'll be on her second bottle around now. Do you have any children, Miss Kasumi?

Kasumi: Heavens, no. But I do want to have some someday, and I'm sure I will sooner or later...

(Tofu gets a look at Kasumi. His glasses fog up. Nabiki, knowing what is going to happen, jerks her father out of Tofu's way, not bothering to be delicate.)

Tofu: Why, Kasumi! Fancy meeting you here! (to Nabiki) Betty, get Kasumi a cup of tea, would you please? (to Kentaro) Now, what seems to be the problem, Mr. Tendo? You've lost a lot of weight! (He wanders out of the dojo, continuing on in this manner)

Kasumi: ... of course, it may be a while yet...

(Cut to tennis court. Ranma [in male form] and Akane are practicing. Yusaku is watching from Ranma's side of the court.)

Akane: Okay, since neither of us has scored any points yet, we say the score is love. Got it?

Ranma: Right. I've got love but I haven't scored yet.

Yusaku: I know the feeling.

Akane: Will you be serious?!? Pay attention, Ranma. You may be faster than this Mitaka guy, but you need to know the rules or you can't win.

Ranma: I never bothered with this dumb stuff in school. If it comes down in front of this line, it's in, otherwise it's out. Right?

Akane: Not that line, the other line! If you don't know where it's in or out, you won't know where to hit it!

(Akane gets ready to serve the ball. Shampoo's bicycle lands directly on Yusaku's head just as Akane is serving, distracting her and causing her to miss the ball.)

Shampoo: Ni hao! Shampoo come to watch husband!

Akane: He is NOT your husband!! (She moves over to Shampoo, and they stare down each other)

Shampoo: Why you so jealous?

Akane: Who's jealous?!?

Yusaku: ... uh, excuse me... (Shampoo and Akane notice that they are standing on top of Yusaku. They move, and he drags himself up)

Akane: Hmph! (Goes back to her side of court)

Shampoo: Shampoo come today to watch game. (Akane prepares to serve) When husband lose, Shampoo get kiss from him!

(Akane gets really mad. She hits the ball. It goes a lot higher and farther than it should. Everybody's eyes look up as the ball is going, going, gone...)

Ranma: That was out, right?

Akane: Shut up! Just give me another ball!

Ranma: I was supposed to bring more than one ball?

Yusaku: Here you go. (we see Mitaka has just shown up)

Mitaka: Sure you've got enough balls?

Yusaku: Don't put me to the test.

Shampoo: Now my turn. I serve to Ranma. (She goes over to where Akane was. Akane goes over to Ranma's side of the net)

Ranma: By the way, Akane, I was wondering if you would cook lunch for me today at Ikkoku.

Akane: What? Is this a joke?

Ranma: No, no joke. I mean, you're always saying how I don't give your cooking a chance, so I figured now would be a good time to try it. But if you don't want to...

Akane: Really? OK, Ranma, I'd be happy to.

Shampoo: Here come serve!

(Shampoo hits the ball. It bounces off Yusaku's forehead and comes down in Ranma's court. Ranma is surprised and is not able to return the serve. Ranma leaps over the net as Yusaku holds his head in pain.)

Shampoo: Hooray! Point for Shampoo!

Ranma: You can NOT bounce a serve off someone's head!!

Shampoo: Where it say that in rules? This not baseball!

Ranma: OK, that's it. Now I'm gonna show you my special slow ball technique.

(Ranma hits a ball straight up. WAY up. Before it comes down he jumps over to the other side of the net and gets into position to return his own serve.)

Akane: He's playing both sides?

Shampoo: Maybe he learn from Bill Clinton.

(Ranma returns his serve.)

Ranma: How about that, pretty good, huh?

Mitaka: Too bad it was an illegal serve.

Ranma: WHAT?

Akane: He's right, Ranma. I told you before, you have to serve from behind that line there. You foot-faulted and it cost you the point.


Akane: Now you've just face-faulted. That's another point.

Ranma: (Throws down racket) Who made up this dumb game anyway!!