There Goes the Neighborhood Part 4: Who Are You?
Category: Major Ranma fanfics
Posted on May 7, 2013 by Gary
(Ranma [still in girl form] and Yusaku are eating lunch at a cafe. It's raining outside.)
Ranma: Thanks for showing me this place to eat!
Yusaku: No problem. I'm only too glad to see you make a fool of that asshole Mitaka in front of Kyoko!
Ranma: You and this guy are both interested in her?
Yusaku: Yeah. Ever since I moved into Ikkoku, I've been in love with Kyoko. All I can think about is how I want to graduate, then marry her and start a family.
Ranma: Sounds like you've got your future all planned out.
Yusaku: I guess so. How about you? What will you be doing ten years from now?
Ranma: (thinks for a moment) No idea.
Yusaku: Really?
Ranma: Right now I have enough trouble trying to deal with the present.
Waitress: Tea, sir?
Yusaku: Yes, please.
Ranma: <At least when I'm already a girl, I can walk here in the rain. When I'm a guy, there's always somebody throwing water around or something, and I get hit by it every time. Now I don't have to worry...>
(The waitress accidentally spills hot tea on Ranma, who goes back to male form.)
Ranma: YAaaaahh!!
Waitress: Oh! I'm terribly sorry ma'am .. I mean, sir! (Goes to get something to clean it with)
Yusaku: ...
Ranma: ...
Yusaku: Who are you?
(We see an exterior shot, representing "compressed time by editing" as Ranma relates what we all already know.)
Yusaku: "Cursed springs of Jusenkyo"? If I hadn't seen it myself...
Ranma: The girl Akane who made the hole in your floor yesterday is my real fiance. Sometimes she can be such an uncute tomboy. But other times...
(Another exterior shot representing time passing)
Ranma: ... So Soichiro the dog is really just a dog!
Yusaku: Yeah, named after the original Soichiro who was Kyoko's husband. He passed away about six months after they got married.
Ranma: Well I feel stupid! With all the weirdness I have to put up with every day, I forget to look for the simplest explanation. I guess hot water isn't gonna bring him back then.
Yusaku: Nothing is. I've got to say, changing form when you get splashed with water is pretty weird!
Ranma: That ain't the half of it. I have to deal with a crowd of people every day who make Yotsuya look like a nice normal guy by comparison. Well, maybe I shouldn't go THAT far...
Yusaku: He is a strange one. No one's ever even found out what he does for a living, although plenty have tried.
Ranma: I wonder if I could find out.
Yusaku: It would be a pretty big challenge for anybody to do that. Yotsuya is pretty clever when he tries to be.
Ranma: Yeah. But at least here I'm dealing with a brand new jerk. None of the people who usually cause trouble for me are going to find me here.
(Ranma hears a low voice behind him "Some water, sir?" He absent-mindedly responds "uh huh". He gets splashed with water from that direction, turning female.)
Ranma: WHAT'S THE IDEA, PAL?
(He turns around to see that it was Happosai who threw the water. Happosai jumps up and starts fondling Ranma's breasts. Ranma is about to pull Happosai off when Yusaku says:)
Yusaku: Hey! Aren't you Happosai the martial arts master?
(Happosai and Ranma look surprised.)
Ranma: You know this old fart?
Yusaku: My grandmother's told me about him. They knew each other a long time ago. From her description I knew this had to be him.
Happosai: Ha ha! And just who is your grandmother?
Yusaku: Yukari Godai.
(Happosai takes off, running out of the restaurant at top speed.)
Yusaku: Well, Grandma is kind of unusual.
Ranma: Maybe we should have her over at the dojo sometime.
Yusaku: You do and it might take you a while to get rid of her. Come to think of it, Grandma gave me something that she said she got from Happosai. I never figured out exactly what it was. Maybe you'd have some idea. I'll show it to you later.
Waitress: Your check sir... I mean, ma'am.
(Scene fades. We see Kyoko and Mrs. Ichinose talking in Kyoko's room.)
Mrs. Ichinose: So you're not upset about Yusaku's dumping you for the new Chinese girl?
Kyoko: In the first place, Yusaku never had me, so he can't be "dumping" me. In the second place, I don't see any reason to believe that Yusaku and Ms. Liang are... involved.
Mrs. Ichinose: How blind can you be? It's obvious. And it was gonna happen eventually the way you treat Yusaku. Leading him on but never letting him get anywhere.
Kyoko: I wish you wouldn't talk that way. I have NEVER led Yusaku on!
Mrs. Ichinose: Anyway, a kid like him naturally goes for a younger girl. He's probably learned all kind of weird sex practices from his college buddies. He needs a girl who'd be able to do them with him.
Kyoko: Mrs. Ichinose! Really! I think you say these things just to embarass me!
Mrs. Ichinose: <She's just now realizing that?> (exits)
(Meanwhile, Ranma and Yusaku are arriving back at Ikkoku.)
Yusaku: So what would happen if you splashed cold water on part of your body and hot water on another part at the same time?
Ranma: I haven't tried it.
Yusaku: How about if you used some other liquid, like fruit juice?
Ranma: I don't know, OK?
Yusaku: What if you were covered with something that blocked water. Could you change your...
(They enter the building. Cut back to Kyoko in her room, with the door ajar.)
Kyoko: <Weird sex practices indeed! Yusaku just isn't that kind of person!>
Yusaku (voice from outside room): ... sex with your body coated in grease?
Ranma (voice from outside room): Maybe we'll try it later.
(Kyoko face faults as the two voices recede.)
Kyoko: <Mrs. Ichinose was right. To think I once thought that some day Yusaku and I might... I must have been out of my mind!>
********************
(INTERLUDE: The scene is somewhere in suburban Japan. An attractive 17-year old girl in a school uniform is walking, holding the hand of a 5 or 6 year old boy in a striped T-shirt. There are several huge tanks of natural gas in the background. Nearby is another girl who looks identical to the first. She is locked in an embrace with a teenage boy. The boy has a pony tail, and is dressed as a warrior from sixteenth century Japan. His face has several band-aids on it.
Suddenly the gas tanks explode. The four people disappear an instant before the explosion would have killed them.
We pan back to see a familiar figure. It looks like he was caught by the edge of the blast, but was only knocked down and lightly singed. He is: )
Ryoga: Damn! I was going to ask those people for directions!
(Ryoga gets up and starts walking...)
********************
(Later back at Maison Ikkoku, Ranma is sitting around his room in girl form, looking bored.)
Ranma: <How long is this going to go on? There's nothing to do all day! I'm even starting to miss Kuno.>
(There is a knock on the door. Ranma opens it. Kasumi is on the other side with some food.)
Ranma: Kasumi! Hey! Glad to see you!
Kasumi: Here's your dinner, Ranma!
Ranma: Want to hang around a while?
Kasumi: Oh no, I'm afraid I have to get back home. Goodbye now!
(Ranma closes the door. He notices a shadowy figure looking through the hole above. We see that it is Yotsuya.)
Yotsuya: Greetings.
Ranma: What the heck do YOU want?
Yotsuya: I was merely admiring the culinary delights which your young friend has just brought you.
Ranma: Don't think you're gettin' any of this! You wouldn't even tell me what kind of work you do!
Yotsuya: That is for only me to know.
(Ranma remembers what Yusaku said at lunch.)
Yusaku (memory): Finding out what he does would be a big challenge!
Ranma: I hate losing a big challenge!
Yotsuya: Pardon me?
Ranma: Look, you know that I could find out eventually... even if I have to keep following you around for weeks or something...
Yotsuya: Perhaps.
Ranma: And you know that I could hurt you pretty bad if I wanted to... so why don't you just tell me now... OR I'M GONNA GET MAD!
Yotsuya (still looking blase as ever): It seems I have no choice. Allow me to partake of your evening repast, and I will tell you my story.
Ranma: Sure!
Yotsuya: You must promise not to divulge this information to anyone.
Ranma: OK, I won't tell!
Yotsuya: I work for Japanese Government Intelligence. The Domestic Surveillance division. They have assigned me to watch this establishment.
Ranma: Really? What for?
Yotsuya: They believe that young Mr. Godai might be a spy.
Ranma: Yusaku? No way!
Yotsuya: Indeed, the very idea is ludicrous. However, tracking down actual spies is a dangerous profession. I have kept up the pretense in order not to be reassigned. Many thanks. (leaves through hole)
Ranma: HEY! I didn't say you could eat ALL of it! (to self) A spy. Is that really what this guy is?
Yotsuya (voice from above): Don't be ridiculous. I only said I would tell you a story. I never specified that it would be a true one.
Ranma: You big jerk!
Yusaku (voice from above): What are you doing in my room, Yotsuya?
Yotsuya (voice from above): Merely soaking up the ambiance.
Ranma: <Lying asshole! I bet he doesn't really even HAVE a job! I'll get him for this. I've already got a plan...>
Ranma: Thanks for showing me this place to eat!
Yusaku: No problem. I'm only too glad to see you make a fool of that asshole Mitaka in front of Kyoko!
Ranma: You and this guy are both interested in her?
Yusaku: Yeah. Ever since I moved into Ikkoku, I've been in love with Kyoko. All I can think about is how I want to graduate, then marry her and start a family.
Ranma: Sounds like you've got your future all planned out.
Yusaku: I guess so. How about you? What will you be doing ten years from now?
Ranma: (thinks for a moment) No idea.
Yusaku: Really?
Ranma: Right now I have enough trouble trying to deal with the present.
Waitress: Tea, sir?
Yusaku: Yes, please.
Ranma: <At least when I'm already a girl, I can walk here in the rain. When I'm a guy, there's always somebody throwing water around or something, and I get hit by it every time. Now I don't have to worry...>
(The waitress accidentally spills hot tea on Ranma, who goes back to male form.)
Ranma: YAaaaahh!!
Waitress: Oh! I'm terribly sorry ma'am .. I mean, sir! (Goes to get something to clean it with)
Yusaku: ...
Ranma: ...
Yusaku: Who are you?
(We see an exterior shot, representing "compressed time by editing" as Ranma relates what we all already know.)
Yusaku: "Cursed springs of Jusenkyo"? If I hadn't seen it myself...
Ranma: The girl Akane who made the hole in your floor yesterday is my real fiance. Sometimes she can be such an uncute tomboy. But other times...
(Another exterior shot representing time passing)
Ranma: ... So Soichiro the dog is really just a dog!
Yusaku: Yeah, named after the original Soichiro who was Kyoko's husband. He passed away about six months after they got married.
Ranma: Well I feel stupid! With all the weirdness I have to put up with every day, I forget to look for the simplest explanation. I guess hot water isn't gonna bring him back then.
Yusaku: Nothing is. I've got to say, changing form when you get splashed with water is pretty weird!
Ranma: That ain't the half of it. I have to deal with a crowd of people every day who make Yotsuya look like a nice normal guy by comparison. Well, maybe I shouldn't go THAT far...
Yusaku: He is a strange one. No one's ever even found out what he does for a living, although plenty have tried.
Ranma: I wonder if I could find out.
Yusaku: It would be a pretty big challenge for anybody to do that. Yotsuya is pretty clever when he tries to be.
Ranma: Yeah. But at least here I'm dealing with a brand new jerk. None of the people who usually cause trouble for me are going to find me here.
(Ranma hears a low voice behind him "Some water, sir?" He absent-mindedly responds "uh huh". He gets splashed with water from that direction, turning female.)
Ranma: WHAT'S THE IDEA, PAL?
(He turns around to see that it was Happosai who threw the water. Happosai jumps up and starts fondling Ranma's breasts. Ranma is about to pull Happosai off when Yusaku says:)
Yusaku: Hey! Aren't you Happosai the martial arts master?
(Happosai and Ranma look surprised.)
Ranma: You know this old fart?
Yusaku: My grandmother's told me about him. They knew each other a long time ago. From her description I knew this had to be him.
Happosai: Ha ha! And just who is your grandmother?
Yusaku: Yukari Godai.
(Happosai takes off, running out of the restaurant at top speed.)
Yusaku: Well, Grandma is kind of unusual.
Ranma: Maybe we should have her over at the dojo sometime.
Yusaku: You do and it might take you a while to get rid of her. Come to think of it, Grandma gave me something that she said she got from Happosai. I never figured out exactly what it was. Maybe you'd have some idea. I'll show it to you later.
Waitress: Your check sir... I mean, ma'am.
(Scene fades. We see Kyoko and Mrs. Ichinose talking in Kyoko's room.)
Mrs. Ichinose: So you're not upset about Yusaku's dumping you for the new Chinese girl?
Kyoko: In the first place, Yusaku never had me, so he can't be "dumping" me. In the second place, I don't see any reason to believe that Yusaku and Ms. Liang are... involved.
Mrs. Ichinose: How blind can you be? It's obvious. And it was gonna happen eventually the way you treat Yusaku. Leading him on but never letting him get anywhere.
Kyoko: I wish you wouldn't talk that way. I have NEVER led Yusaku on!
Mrs. Ichinose: Anyway, a kid like him naturally goes for a younger girl. He's probably learned all kind of weird sex practices from his college buddies. He needs a girl who'd be able to do them with him.
Kyoko: Mrs. Ichinose! Really! I think you say these things just to embarass me!
Mrs. Ichinose: <She's just now realizing that?> (exits)
(Meanwhile, Ranma and Yusaku are arriving back at Ikkoku.)
Yusaku: So what would happen if you splashed cold water on part of your body and hot water on another part at the same time?
Ranma: I haven't tried it.
Yusaku: How about if you used some other liquid, like fruit juice?
Ranma: I don't know, OK?
Yusaku: What if you were covered with something that blocked water. Could you change your...
(They enter the building. Cut back to Kyoko in her room, with the door ajar.)
Kyoko: <Weird sex practices indeed! Yusaku just isn't that kind of person!>
Yusaku (voice from outside room): ... sex with your body coated in grease?
Ranma (voice from outside room): Maybe we'll try it later.
(Kyoko face faults as the two voices recede.)
Kyoko: <Mrs. Ichinose was right. To think I once thought that some day Yusaku and I might... I must have been out of my mind!>
********************
(INTERLUDE: The scene is somewhere in suburban Japan. An attractive 17-year old girl in a school uniform is walking, holding the hand of a 5 or 6 year old boy in a striped T-shirt. There are several huge tanks of natural gas in the background. Nearby is another girl who looks identical to the first. She is locked in an embrace with a teenage boy. The boy has a pony tail, and is dressed as a warrior from sixteenth century Japan. His face has several band-aids on it.
Suddenly the gas tanks explode. The four people disappear an instant before the explosion would have killed them.
We pan back to see a familiar figure. It looks like he was caught by the edge of the blast, but was only knocked down and lightly singed. He is: )
Ryoga: Damn! I was going to ask those people for directions!
(Ryoga gets up and starts walking...)
********************
(Later back at Maison Ikkoku, Ranma is sitting around his room in girl form, looking bored.)
Ranma: <How long is this going to go on? There's nothing to do all day! I'm even starting to miss Kuno.>
(There is a knock on the door. Ranma opens it. Kasumi is on the other side with some food.)
Ranma: Kasumi! Hey! Glad to see you!
Kasumi: Here's your dinner, Ranma!
Ranma: Want to hang around a while?
Kasumi: Oh no, I'm afraid I have to get back home. Goodbye now!
(Ranma closes the door. He notices a shadowy figure looking through the hole above. We see that it is Yotsuya.)
Yotsuya: Greetings.
Ranma: What the heck do YOU want?
Yotsuya: I was merely admiring the culinary delights which your young friend has just brought you.
Ranma: Don't think you're gettin' any of this! You wouldn't even tell me what kind of work you do!
Yotsuya: That is for only me to know.
(Ranma remembers what Yusaku said at lunch.)
Yusaku (memory): Finding out what he does would be a big challenge!
Ranma: I hate losing a big challenge!
Yotsuya: Pardon me?
Ranma: Look, you know that I could find out eventually... even if I have to keep following you around for weeks or something...
Yotsuya: Perhaps.
Ranma: And you know that I could hurt you pretty bad if I wanted to... so why don't you just tell me now... OR I'M GONNA GET MAD!
Yotsuya (still looking blase as ever): It seems I have no choice. Allow me to partake of your evening repast, and I will tell you my story.
Ranma: Sure!
Yotsuya: You must promise not to divulge this information to anyone.
Ranma: OK, I won't tell!
Yotsuya: I work for Japanese Government Intelligence. The Domestic Surveillance division. They have assigned me to watch this establishment.
Ranma: Really? What for?
Yotsuya: They believe that young Mr. Godai might be a spy.
Ranma: Yusaku? No way!
Yotsuya: Indeed, the very idea is ludicrous. However, tracking down actual spies is a dangerous profession. I have kept up the pretense in order not to be reassigned. Many thanks. (leaves through hole)
Ranma: HEY! I didn't say you could eat ALL of it! (to self) A spy. Is that really what this guy is?
Yotsuya (voice from above): Don't be ridiculous. I only said I would tell you a story. I never specified that it would be a true one.
Ranma: You big jerk!
Yusaku (voice from above): What are you doing in my room, Yotsuya?
Yotsuya (voice from above): Merely soaking up the ambiance.
Ranma: <Lying asshole! I bet he doesn't really even HAVE a job! I'll get him for this. I've already got a plan...>
| << Previous: Part 3: Going to the Dogs | There Goes the Neighborhood | Next: Part 5: After-Dinner Entertainment >> |
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