[Scene: Gary, Hiroshi, and Daisuke are in a room that's bare except for a computer monitor.] Gary: Hey, everybody. Welcome to another installment of SHONEN SUNDAY THEATER 3000. My silly cohorts and I have been locked in here by an insane principal, in order that we might read fanfics and make clever commentary on them. Daisuke: Yeah, and for some reason he won't send us any lemons. Hiroshi: Yeah, what's his problem? Gary: As the name implies, this is supposed to be a weekly feature, though list irregularities and my general laziness have gotten in the way. [The computer screen activates.] Hey, the Principal is calling. [Miss Hinako appears on screen.] Hiroshi: Miss Hinako? Where's the Principal? Hinako: He's stepped out for a moment. But he's left me, his assistant, in charge. You naughty boys had better watch it! Daisuke: Why? It's not like you can drain our ki through a computer screen! HAHAHAHA!!! Hiroshi: Yeah! We're safe! BWAHAHAHA!! Hinako: HAPPO GOEN SATSU!! [Gary, Hiroshi, and Daisuke's energy gets sucked out through the monitor, and Hinako goes to full adult size.] Gary: ... jerks. Why do I have to suffer because of you guys? ... Hinako: Your story for today is "Kasumi's Little Secret". It's by Anthony Woo , and its FFML archive number is 37169. [fic comes on screen] >This is not a Lemon. (Hiroshi & Daisuke sigh in disappointment) > Nor is this a Darkfic. I'm not sure what genre this >fits into but I'm absolutely sure that it's _not_ either of those. > >Kasumi's Little Secret Gary: What do you suppose her little secret is, guys? Hiroshi: That she doesn't bathe. Gary: Huh? Hiroshi: I heard it on one of the rec.arts.anime groups. Go back and read the "Battle at the Bathhouse" storyline. Where was Kasumi? Not at the bathhouse! Gary: That doesn't necessarily mean... Hiroshi: Why do you think Happosai leaves her alone, huh? Daisuke: Kasumi doesn't *need* to bathe. She's always perfectly clean. Gary: Let's just read the fic... >Part 1: Kasumi in the Dojo >A Ranma 1/2 FanFiction >Version 1.2 > >All characters are owned by Rumiko Takahashi. >Please don't sue me ; ) > > It was a fairly normal Friday in Nerima. Ranma was taking the >express route home courtesy of Akane's Hammerspace Airlines. he >thought as he crashed into the Tendo's pond, early.> > Ranma-chan slogged out of the pond towards the house. some hot water to change she ought as she passed the dojo and glanced in. Hiroshi: She ought what? Daisuke: She ought to skip the hot water. She looks better the way she is! Gary: He meant 'thought' instead of 'ought'. Also there should have been a '>' after 'change'. > Ranma went back to the dojo and looked in. She hadn't been >imagining things. Kasumi was there in her gi moving across the floor in >what looked, at first glance, like a slow, complex, and graceful dance. > Ranma thought as she watched in amazement. She >recognized several of Kasumi movements as marital arts techniques, there Hiroshi: Marital arts techniques?? I thought this wasn't going to be a lemon! Daisuke: Dummy! If this were a lemon, he'd have given explicit descriptions! Gary: Guys, it's supposed to be 'martial arts'. Daisuke: AJ is competing with Keener for the Most Embarrassing Typo award. >were a couple of simple kicks and several complex joint locks. Ranma was >simply shocked. He had never imagined _Kasumi_ engaging in martial arts. Gary: I think that should be 'she'. That's how female Ranma has been referred to up until now. Hiroshi: You know, I *have* imagined Kasumi doing martial arts. But then I've imangined a lot of things. Daisuke: You sure it wasn't marital arts? >Ranma was curious too. Gary: I think 'shocked' would already imply that Ranma was curious. The point here is that Ranma was curious about the particular moves, so maybe something like that could be said. > She was unaware of any kata that was performed as >slowly as Kasumi was moving. Most kata's were best done slow if you were Gary: katas; no apostrophe. >just beginning to learn it but Kasumi's movements were graceful and Gary: just beginning to learn them > Presently Kasumi finished her kata, bowed to the dojo, and turned Daisuke: I suppose that's okay, but if the dojo bows back you should be worried... > "Yeah, yeah," she said waving her hand dismisively, "I'll be fine. Gary: dismissively. > "How'd you do that?" Ranma asked puzzled by her defeat. Gary: asked, > As the Ranma and Akane's fight made itself heard in the bathroom Daisuke: 'The' Ranma? "There can be only one." Gary: The 'the' shouldn't be there. >Kasumi sighed again. she >thought, Hiroshi: Don't bet on it! > The sun was in the process of rising when Ranma's alarm went off. >Ranma's eyes cracked open as he peered out the window. Instinctively he >reached out to pound the alarm into silence as he realized that the sun >had not yet risen. he >asked himself as his fist began it's decent. "Oh my," Kasumi said. "Well since you have school and I am far >too busy once every one gets home...how about tomorrow morning?" Gary: everyone (one word) > "The things I put up with for martial arts trainin'," Ranma >grumbled as he made his way into the bathroom. Daisuke: He's training there? Must be martial arts potty training! Gary: That was a cheap one. > "Ranma no baka," she groaned as she flopped onto her back, and >tried to get back to sleep. Hiroshi: Looks like this is gonna be one of those stories where this is the only kind of line Akane gets. > "Because it's part of your training Ranma-kun," Kasumi said. >Ranma was wearing his usual balck pants and red silk shirt; while Kasumi Gary: black >was wearing her white karate-gi. The two of them were standing on the >fence surrounding the Tendo residence, balancing on one leg. Ranma was >constantly fidgiting, shifting from one stance to another. Kasumi simply Gary: fidgeting > "Please stop asking questions Ranma-kun," Kasumi interrupted, >"just watch the sunrise." Kasumi smiled as she remembered when someone >had said those exact same words to her. Hiroshi: It was Nabiki. (Nabiki voice) Just watch the sunrise, while I grab your wallet! Daisuke: Nah, Nabiki's got a LITTLE more class than that. > The first rays of the sun peeked above the horizon, pushing back >the darkness of the rapidly fading night. Kasumi stood, enchanted by the >wonderful sight. The light of the sun turned the sky from midnight blue >to a warm pink and it seemed to glow with life. Slowly the pink faded >into a bright blue as the birds cried out their welcome to the new day, >their songs telling of the freedom of flight in that wonderous blue Gary: 'wondrous'. This is a nice description, BTW. > Ranma spent the next hour learning the first few techniques of the >most basic Tai-chi form that Kasumi knew. Ranma Daisuke: Would you prefer 'Fortran'? >thought afterwards, than that one! And that's the _easiest_! What am I getting myself >into?!> Most of the time was spent watching Kasumi perform the kata and >asking questions about the techniques. Some of them had seemed purely >ornamental but Kasumi had demonstrated how each technique could be used in >both attack and/or defense. After Ranma had watched the entire kata, >Kasumi started teaching teaching him the beginnings of the form. They Hiroshi: 'teaching' there is repeated. Daisuke: Pizza pizza! >stopped only when they heard Genma calling for Ranma. Ranma's eyes had >widened in surprise as he said, "Oh boy! I completely lost track of time! >Sorry, Kasumi, I gotta go!" Kasumi had smiled as he raced out the door. > she sighed, Master Huang could teach me, than I can certainly teach Ranma. After all, Hiroshi: So it wasn't Tofu? There's a surprise. > "Neither do I," she said turning back to watch the sunrise. This >had become a dayly ritual for the two of them as they stood up on the Gary: daily >fence. Ranma would come up with a reason why they were standing on the >fence watching the sunrise and Kasumi would tell him that he was wrong. >Ranma's answers ranged from the simple to the bizzare. Today was one of Gary: bizarre >his more mundane answers; once he suggested that she was trying to improve >his posture, Kasumi almost fell off the fence laughing that morning. >Often Ranma would get so caught up in his pondering of the problem that he >would stop fidgiting and stand still for the entire exercise. He was so Gary: fidgeting > "So what _are_ you trainin' by standin' up here?" Ranma asked. > "Patence Ranma," she said with a smile, "when you figure it out Gary: Patience Hiroshi: That's the answer to the question too, I think. Figures Ranma wouldn't get it. > "You want me to tell you what I'm supposed to do?" he asked. > "No," Kasumi responed, "I want you to follow me as I do it." Gary: responded > "Then let's begin," she said. Kasumi watched Ranma out of the >corner of her eye as they moved through the form. This particular form >came naturally to her, it was the first one that Sifu Huang had taught her Hiroshi: What's a 'Sifu'? Gary: A master craftsman, an experienced worker. I've always seen it as "Shifu". Anyway, presumably it indicates a martial arts master. > "Ranma, what happens when you punch a rock?" > "It breaks," he said, confusion evident on his face, "but what-" > "Now what happens when you punch water?" Kasumi interrupted. > "Not much, I get a little wet but that's it," he said, still >confused, "but what-" Hiroshi: Now what happens when you punch out after work? Daisuke: Uh, Hiroshi, that wasn't a very good joke. Hiroshi: Sorry, I couldn't think of a better PUNCH line! > "Exactly," Kasumi said with a smile, "now do the form again, >slowly." Ranma began again, but it was a repition of when they were Gary: repetition >me,> she thought as she glanced at her watch. be late again,> she thought as she dashed into the house, in the bathroom yet. It would be tough to explain what I'm doing in a gi >without revealing that I _didn't_ give up martial arts like everyone >thought.> Kasumi breathed a sigh of relief as she closed the door of the >empty bathroom. here before Ranma's lessons, otherwise I'd really be in trouble.> Daisuke: Yeah, but what if someone finds her clothes there with her not in them? What will they think? >Thanx for listening to me rant and rave. > Hiroshi: Why is he saying that? This was a really nice story, even though we never got to see them doing marital arts... Gary: This is his sig. I think he came up with it during the big debate on RAAC over 'Bitter End'. [fic ends; we see Hiroshi and Daisuke staring at the computer screen] Daisuke: This is cool! [Gary looks at the screen, which is showing a picture of a sunset] Gary: Hey, what're you guys doing? Hiroshi: Quiet, just look at it. Gary: What about it? It's a screen saver. What's the point? Daisuke: When you figure it out, you won't need to do it anymore. Gary: I don't need to do it at all, you guys. [moves the mouse] Hey, what's this? You guys were reading another fic? Hiroshi: Yeah. Chris Jones' "Kasumi's OTHER Little Secret". Gary: Let me see... heh heh... yeah, that IS pretty cool! I never suspected... Anyway, I guess that's all for this week. Hinako: What about the address? Daisuke: Oh yeah. Send your comments on this, and any requests for fics you'd like to see us do, to kleppe@execpc.com . And don't forget to send synopses of any fics you post to the list to Mark Doherty . We'll be using Mark's list to pick fics to do, hopefully every week. Thanks, Mark! Gary: Until next time...